| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| Doctor | Mrs. Lipstein, I have bad news. The tumor is malignant. |
| Doctor | I'm afraid you only have six months to live. |
| Woman | Oh, my God! |
| Announcer | ANNOUNCER: Got milk? |
| Peter Griffin | Listen up, everybody. Your Grandpa Griffin is finally retiring. |
| Chris Griffin | Grandpa Griffin? |
| Chris Griffin | Is he the one that smells like firewood and has big gray pussywillows in his ears? |
| Chris Griffin | Chris, that's a terrible word. "Pussywillows." |
| Peter Griffin | My dad worked at that mill for 60 years. That's almost 80 years. |
| Peter Griffin | Tomorrow we'll all go to a big dinner to honor him. |
| Meg Griffin | Why? We barely know him. |
| Chris Griffin | Yeah. How come he never visits us? |
| Lois Griffin | Kids, your grandfather has never been comfortable with the fact that I'm not Catholic. |
| [Church bells ringing] |
| Peter Griffin | Dad loves all of us. He's just too busy working to show it. |
| Peter Griffin | He's been that way since I was a kid. |
| Man | And now the winners of the father-son three-legged race. |
| Man | First place, Bobby Hammill and his dad. Second place, Jimmy Lawson and his dad. |
| Man | Third place, Peter Griffin and a stalk of corn. |
| Peter Griffin | Now that he's retiring, we can finally spend some time together. |
| Peter Griffin | I want us to have one of those father-son moments, like on TV. |
| Peter Griffin | Where we hug and the music goes... |
| [Band playing sentimental music] |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, boys. Just like that. |
| Peter Griffin | Can you do that fluttery thing like when the Brady kids run down the stairs? |
| [Band playing fluttery music] |
| ? | I don't want to tattle. |
| ? | But is Bobby really a doctor? |
| [Trombone sputtering] |
| Meg Griffin | Mom, I can't eat. I'm too grossed out by Grandpa's ears. |
| Chris Griffin | I know. They're like a big, gray enchanted forest. |
| Lois Griffin | Kids, your grandfather's ears are not gross. |
| Lois Griffin | And they are certainly not an enchanted forest. |
| [High-pitched noise] |
| Man | But seriously, tonight we here at Pawtucket Mill celebrate the career of our oldest and most dedicated employee, Francis Griffin. |
| Man | Francis. |
| [Applause] |
| [Whistling] |
| Francis Griffin | At mass this morning it occurred to me that I may never see any of your faces again. |
| Francis Griffin | I just want to say that Jesus loves you. |
| Francis Griffin | But in my eyes, you're a bunch of sinners and slackers who forced a hard-working old man to retire. |
| Francis Griffin | So you can take this shiny watch and shove it. |
| [Gasping] |
| Stewie Griffin | I adore this man! |
| Peter Griffin | That was some speech, Dad. |
| Francis Griffin | Yeah. It's a shame Grandma wasn't there to hear it. |
| Francis Griffin | Bless her heart. She's on another one of her prayer missions in Las Vegas. |
| Peter's Mom | Hit me, you five-card stud. |
| Peter's Mom | [Hacking cough] |
| Peter's Mom | Cocktail! |
| Francis Griffin | Aye, she's a rose. |
| Francis Griffin | It's a pity you couldn't find yourself a nice Irish Catholic girl, Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | Francis, this must be embarrassing for you. |
| Lois Griffin | I'm in the car. |
| Peter Griffin | Now that you're retired, you're coming to stay with us. |
| Peter Griffin | No more excuses. I'm putting my foot down. |
| [Brakes screeching] |
| Peter Griffin | Brian, buckle up. What do you say, Dad? |
| Francis Griffin | I don't want to be a bother. |
| Peter Griffin | It's no bother, is it, Lois? |
| Lois Griffin | Of course not. It'll be fun. |
| Francis Griffin | You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in Hell after all. |
| Francis Griffin | Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the unbaptized babies. |
| Peter Griffin | There you go, Lois. You love kids. |
| Peter Griffin | Look at that. |
| Peter Griffin | Dad's reading Stewie to sleep, just like he never did for me. |
| Francis Griffin | "So God cast the pagans and sinners into the fiery bowels of Hell... |
| Francis Griffin | "...where their flesh burned in agony forever and ever." |
| Francis Griffin | The end. |
| Francis Griffin | Children love a good bedtime story from the Bible. |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, charming. Like when God told Abraham to kill Isaac. |
| Isaac | Hey! |
| Francis Griffin | That was a lovely service, Francis. |
| Meg Griffin | Super. And only three more hours till school. |
| Chris Griffin | I didn't even know there was a 5:00 a.m. Mass. |
| Chris Griffin | What else haven't you told me? |
| Stewie Griffin | I rather like this God fellow. He's very theatrical, you know. |
| Stewie Griffin | A pestilence here and a plague there. Omnipotence! |
| Stewie Griffin | Got to get me some of that. |
| Peter Griffin | Yes. We all enjoy the Bible in this house. |
| Francis Griffin | Really? What's your favorite book of the Bible? |
| Peter Griffin | That one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece and the man in the big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital. |
| Francis Griffin | [Knocking] |
| Francis Griffin | Open this door! Open it, I say! |
| [Toilet flushes] |
| Chris Griffin | Sorry, Grandpa. |
| Chris Griffin | You might want to give that a minute or two. |
| Francis Griffin | I know what you're doing in there, and it's a sin! |
| Francis Griffin | If you ever do it again, you'll burn in Hell! |
| Chris Griffin | But I do it every day. Sometimes twice. |
| Francis Griffin | Mark my words, lad. |
| Francis Griffin | You may think you're alone, but God's watching. |
| Francis Griffin | Don't do it again! |
| Chris Griffin | God's watching me do number two? |
| Chris Griffin | I'm a sinner, and God's a pervert. |
| Francis Griffin | Megan! |
| Francis Griffin | How was school? |
| Meg Griffin | Good. Kevin walked me home. |
| Francis Griffin | Kevin? |
| Meg Griffin | He lives next door. |
| Francis Griffin | He lives next door to a harlot! |
| Meg Griffin | Grandpa, we were just holding hands. |
| Francis Griffin | It'll be easy for him to take your hand when God strikes your heart with leprosy. |
| Francis Griffin | He can take it right home with him! |
| Francis Griffin | Lord, it's great to see you kids. |
| [Theme from The Dick Van Dyke Show] |
| [Cheerful theme music continues] |
| Lois Griffin | Francis, we were watching that. |
| Francis Griffin | I'll tell you how it ends. Laura burns the roast and God kills her for parading her bum around in those pants! |
| [Baseball field organ music playing] |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, not a bad way to kick off your retirement, huh, Dad? |
| Francis Griffin | Yeah, the magic of baseball has brought fathers and sons together for millions of years. |
| Peter Griffin | Stewie's having fun. |
| Stewie Griffin | Why does that man drop his club before he runs around? |
| Stewie Griffin | I would bring it with me. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, who wants a Fenway frank? |
| Peter Griffin | Nothing says, "Please talk to me, Daddy," like a Fenway frank. |
| Chris Griffin | Is there a bathroom here? I don't think I can wait anymore. |
| Francis Griffin | In a public restroom, lad? |
| Francis Griffin | For the good of your soul, show some restraint. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, hot dog guy! |
| Francis Griffin | I'll get him. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, no, Dad, they bring them to you. |
| Francis Griffin | Well, la-de-da. I don't need my food brought to me. |
| Francis Griffin | I'm not a broken-down old mule! I can still work! |
| Francis Griffin | I can still take orders! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, hey! Hey, look! Hey, Dad! |
| Peter Griffin | Aw, crap. That was money well-spent. |
| Lois Griffin | He just left without saying anything? Where would he go? |
| Peter Griffin | I don't know. I asked him to buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. |
| Brian Griffin | I don't care if he ever gets back. |
| Brian Griffin | I wasn't being cute. I really hope he's dead. |
| Diane Simmons | Tom, the city of Boston is examining its conscience tonight in preparation for a visit from the Pope. |
| Tom Tucker | That's right, Diane. I'll tell you what else will be examined, this cock. |
| Tom Tucker | The Rhode Island Cock Society is sponsoring free check-ups for this year's Cock Awareness Week. I don't know why the suggestive name. |
| Tom Tucker | They could've just as easily gone with "rooster." |
| Peter Griffin | I'm telling you. Something must've happened to him. |
| Peter Griffin | He's probably hurt, or lost, or shanghaied by pirates! |
| Peter Griffin | That renegade pirate ship captained by the ruthless Peg Leg Swantoon! |
| [Phone ringing] |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, calm down. It's his first night of retirement. |
| Lois Griffin | He's probably out enjoying himself. |
| Brian Griffin | He's in jail. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Dad, my God, are you okay? |
| Francis Griffin | Don't be using the Lord's name in vain! |
| Peter Griffin | He's okay! Thank God! |
| Cop | COP: It seems he broke into the old mill after hours. |
| Cop | We found him working on a kick press. |
| Peter Griffin | Dad, you left the ball game with me to go work in a mill? |
| Francis Griffin | Yes! I want to work! I want my job back! |
| Peter Griffin | But, Dad, you're retired. |
| Francis Griffin | I'd rather be dead. |
| Vaudville Tumbler | I'll tell you what's dead. Vaudeville. You know what killed it? Talkie pictures. |
| Vaudville Tumbler | But you can still make it. You just need a gimmick. |
| Vaudville Tumbler | I, for one, am a tumbler. Here, watch my round-off. |
| Vaudville Tumbler | Hey, be a sport. Take the pills out of my pocket and put one under my tongue. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't get it, Lois. Baseball's always been the secret to male bonding. |
| Peter Griffin | It even worked for Rosie O'Donnell and his father in A League of Their Own. |
| Lois Griffin | I hate to say this but it doesn't seem like your dad is interested in bonding with you. |
| Lois Griffin | All he cares about is work. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a second. Work! That's what'll bring us together. |
| Peter Griffin | We can start our own father-son business. |
| [Theme from Sanford & Son] |
| Francis Griffin | What are you doing with all them bathtubs, you heathen dummy? |
| Peter Griffin | Pop, why you gotta be like that? |
| Peter Griffin | We cut 'em in half, stick a Virgin Mary in them and sell them as shrines. |
| Francis Griffin | That's my boy. At least, that's what your mama always told me. |
| Francis Griffin | Now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich. |
| Lois Griffin | Or you could just get your father a job with you at the toy factory. |
| Peter Griffin | That's an even better idea! Lois, you're a genius. |
| Peter Griffin | Now give me a hug before I give you a knuckle sandwich. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I can't hug you. |
| Lois Griffin | Cut it out. I'm serious. |
| Peter Griffin | And this is the nerve center of the whole factory, my station. |
| Peter Griffin | I assemble our new action figure, Zeke, the moody drifter. |
| Francis Griffin | You mean to tell me you stand here all day playing with dolls? |
| Peter Griffin | It's not easy. See, I gotta twist on his head and stick a tiny pack of smokes in his torn denim jacket. |
| [Coughing] |
| Any of you kids want to see a dead body? |
| Peter Griffin | Wait here, Dad. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Mr. Weed? |
| Mr. Weed | Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | Listen, I was wondering if you might have a job for my dad. |
| Mr. Weed | Your father? He must be a man of at least 70. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, yeah. But he's in great shape. Except his prostate. |
| Peter Griffin | At 2:00 a.m. Last night, I thought a horse was using the bathroom. |
| Francis Griffin | All finished. What's next? |
| Peter Griffin | You did my whole day's work in five minutes. |
| Peter Griffin | We should sell you to the circus, you freak! |
| Mr. Weed | I've never seen such productivity. How is this possible? |
| Peter Griffin | I'll tell you how it's possible. |
| Peter Griffin | Because this man always put his job before everything else. |
| Peter Griffin | His wife, his health, even his own son. |
| Francis Griffin | Especially his own son. |
| Mr. Weed | I need hear no more. Everyone, this is your new shop foreman. |
| Mr. Weed | Welcome aboard, sir. Lead as you see fit. |
| Peter Griffin | Dad, after all these years, you and me together, side by side, father and son. |
| Francis Griffin | Peter, this is truly a miracle. I'm so grateful. |
| Peter Griffin | Hold that thought. Hey, boys, you're on. |
| [Sentimental music playing] |
| Peter Griffin | Go ahead, Dad. |
| Francis Griffin | Thank you, Jesus. |
| Francis Griffin | I have a purpose in life again. |
| Francis Griffin | Hey! Break up the sewing circle and get back to work! |
| Stewie Griffin | My, my. What a thumping good read! |
| Stewie Griffin | Lions eating Christians, people nailing each other to two-by-fours. |
| Stewie Griffin | I say, you won't find that in Winnie the Pooh. |
| Peter Griffin | Please don't say "pooh." |
| Lois Griffin | Are you all right? Where's your father? |
| Peter Griffin | Still at the factory. He's turning the break room into a chapel. |
| Lois Griffin | A chapel? Where will you all eat lunch? |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, lunch is a sin. Taking a break is a sin. |
| Peter Griffin | Bestiality is a sin. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm not sure how that came up exactly, but me and Dad have never been closer. |
| Peter Griffin | Having him at the factory is the best... |
| Peter Griffin | [Snoring] |
| Man | MAN: I got it. |
| Man | Your dad stinks. |
| Man | I'm working triple shifts, and I'm still not Employee of the Week. |
| Man | How am I supposed to compete with that? |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Where is he anyway? |
| Jesus | This'll be for my fourth birdie. Looks like someone's in the zone. |
| Man | Tough break there, Jesus. |
| Jesus | Yup. Or was it? |
| Jesus | Boo-yah! |
| Francis Griffin | Back to work, all of you! What's going on here? |
| Peter Griffin | Dad, some of the guys think that since you took over, work is no fun. |
| Francis Griffin | Work's not supposed to be fun. |
| Peter Griffin | Why not? |
| Francis Griffin | That's Satan talking! You're a failure as a worker and as a father! |
| Peter Griffin | Now wait a minute. I may not be perfect. |
| Peter Griffin | At least I love my kids enough not to spend every minute of the day working! |
| Peter Griffin | I'm a damn good father, and that's more than I can say about you! |
| Francis Griffin | [Gasping] |
| Francis Griffin | Peter, you've never spoken to me like that before. |
| Francis Griffin | You're fired! |
| Peter Griffin | Well, in that case, I'm suing you for sexual harassment. |
| Peter Griffin | I'll see you at home. |
| Francis Griffin | GRANDPA: What are you doing, lad? |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: Nothing! |
| Francis Griffin | GRANDPA: Something's wrong with your shower. The water's not cold enough. |
| Francis Griffin | I like me showers colder than a well digger's kerblocken. |
| Lois Griffin | I think it's time someone sits his kerfluffin' down and has a talk with his unemployed son. |
| Francis Griffin | If he needs to talk he'd best go to confession to beg forgiveness for all his failings! |
| Francis Griffin | Have a glorious day. |
| Lois Griffin | How can you just sit there and let him talk like that? |
| Peter Griffin | He's right, Lois. I am no good. |
| Peter Griffin | Even my own dad doesn't love me. Face it. I'm going to Hell. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Adolf Hitler, Al Capone, John Wilkes Booth. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, what are you doing here? |
| Superman | I killed a hooker. She made a crack about me being faster than a speeding bullet so I ripped her in half like a phone book. |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Yes, the fat man's going to Hell. |
| Stewie Griffin | And from the looks of his midsection, he'll burn like a tire dump for all eternity. |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh! I love God! |
| Stewie Griffin | He's so deliciously evil. |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie, eat your oatmeal. Honey, you're a wonderful husband a loving father, and, for some reason I'll never understand a very devoted son. |
| Francis Griffin | That's a nice thought, Lois, but sadly, it means nothing coming from you. |
| Tom Tucker | TOM: The moment has arrived at last. |
| Tom Tucker | We now go live to Logan International Airport where the Pope's plane has just touched down. |
| Emcee | EMCEE: Hello, Boston! |
| Emcee | Are you ready to humble yourself before God? |
| [Crowd cheering] |
| Emcee | What? Have you all taken a vow of silence? |
| Emcee | Come on! |
| [Crowd cheering] |
| Emcee | Then put your hands together for the one, the only His Holiness, the Pope! |
| [Band playing upbeat music] |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, I just got a crazy idea! |
| Peter Griffin | Why? Why? |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, I just got another crazy idea! |
| Cardinal | Hey, did you ever notice this? On page 375, it says "Jebus." |
| Cardinal | It's supposed to be "Jesus," right? |
| Peter Griffin | Room service! |
| Manager | We didn't order no room service. |
| Peter Griffin | Actually I just wanted to check the honor bar. |
| Peter Griffin | The last Pope we had here filled his shaving kit with Necco wafers. |
| Man | All right, wise guy, who are you? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm just a faithful Catholic man with a family crisis only His Holiness can resolve. |
| Peter Griffin | I've never asked the church for anything, but I don't know where else to turn. |
| Man | Dust him! |
| Driver | My heavens, son! Are you okay? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. I just got bounced by the Pope's road crew. |
| Driver | It's good you missed me. I'm to drive the Popemobile. |
| Driver | Any slight bump on the head knocks me unconscious for a few hours. |
| Driver | I always wake up fine, but it's just so darn inconvenient to be knocked out that easily. Even by the slightest tap. Like this. |
| [Crowd cheering] |
| Prisoner 1 | Taking it off here, Boss. |
| Sheriff | Take it off there, Luke. |
| Prisoner 2 | Wiping it off, Boss. |
| Sheriff | Wipe it off, Nine. |
| Prisoner 3 | Waving at the Pope here, Boss. |
| Sheriff | Wave at the Pope there, Luke. |
| The Pope | Are you sure this is Boston? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, it's Boston. See, look, there's Harvard. |
| The Pope | That's just a barn. |
| Peter Griffin | Someone went to Yale. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Lois, put the coffee on. |
| Lois Griffin | Careful. I just cleaned the floor. |
| Peter Griffin | Good thing. |
| The Pope | Lemony. |
| Lois Griffin | Your Holiness, this is such an honor. |
| Lois Griffin | Please, go into the living room and make yourself at home! |
| Lois Griffin | What is the Pope doing here? |
| Peter Griffin | Relax. I just hijacked his bubble car so he can convince my dad I'm a good guy. |
| Lois Griffin | You kidnapped the Pope? |
| Lois Griffin | This is the most reckless thing you've ever done! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on. What about the time I was on that airplane? |
| Peter Griffin | [Giggling] |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| The Pope | POPE: Peter, you've raised a fine family. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, my dad thinks I'm a screw-up. I was hoping you could change his mind. |
| Peter Griffin | He'd have to believe you. You're God's go-to guy. |
| The Pope | Your father is entitled to his opinion. |
| The Pope | But more important is what you think. |
| The Pope | Look deep in your heart, my son. |
| The Pope | Do you think you're a screw-up? |
| [Sentimental instrumental music] |
| Peter Griffin | No. I'm not. You know what? I'm a damn good father. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: I have great kids. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: That's not what Grandpa says. |
| Peter Griffin | Grandpa is wrong. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, it's not a sin for a girl your age to like boys. |
| Meg Griffin | Thanks, Daddy. |
| Peter Griffin | And Chris, what you do in the bathroom is between you and God. |
| Peter Griffin | And if you're sorry, he'll forgive you. |
| Chris Griffin | Thanks, Dad! |
| The Pope | Good for you, Peter. |
| The Pope | But isn't there someone else you should speak to? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes, there is. |
| Peter Griffin | Scarecrow, you've had brains all along. |
| Peter Griffin | Same goes for your heart, Tin Man. |
| Peter Griffin | And Kristy McNichol, come back to television. We miss you. |
| The Pope | I meant you should talk to your father. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: You're right. You with me, big guy? |
| The Pope | Peter, I go where I am needed. |
| Peter Griffin | To the Popemobile! |
| [Theme from Batman] |
| [Desperate muttering] |
| Peter Griffin | Remember when we brought in that stripper for Lombardi's birthday and it turned out to be his son? I think this is gonna top it. |
| Man | MAN: Wow, it's the Pope! |
| Francis Griffin | GRANDPA: Slothful sinners! You're here to work, not sit around with your... |
| Francis Griffin | Holy Mother! It's the Holy Father. |
| Francis Griffin | I am not worthy. |
| The Pope | Rise, my son. |
| The Pope | You are indeed worthy, for you have raised a fine son. |
| The Pope | His zest for life is an affirmation of God's great love within us all. |
| Peter Griffin | Wow! And that's from the freakin' Pope! |
| Peter Griffin | So I guess you were wrong about me, Dad. |
| Francis Griffin | I was wrong all right. |
| Peter Griffin | Stand by, boys. |
| Francis Griffin | I was wrong about you! |
| Francis Griffin | You've gone soft on me, Holy Father! |
| Francis Griffin | Even a tambourine-shaking Baptist could tell this boy's no good! |
| The Pope | Are you calling me a liar? |
| Peter Griffin | Whoah, easy, Pontiff. |
| The Pope | Because I'll excommunicate your sorry... |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, time out. |
| The Pope | Oh! I have never met such an infuriating man! |
| The Pope | You must have the patience of a saint. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, he's my dad. And I just want him to love me. |
| Francis Griffin | Peter, how could you say such a thing? |
| Francis Griffin | I love you with all me heart. |
| [Sentimental music playing] |
| Peter Griffin | You do? |
| Francis Griffin | Of course. |
| Francis Griffin | I just don't like you. I don't like anything about you! |
| [Music stops] |
| Peter Griffin | Keep playing. I think this is as good as it gets. |
| Peter Griffin | Dad, to be honest, I don't like you either. |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez, that's a terrible thing to say. I guess I am going to Hell. |
| The Pope | The good Lord said to honor thy father. |
| The Pope | He never said anything about liking him. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, in that case, Dad I'm gonna eat meat on Fridays, golf on Sundays laugh at Jewish comedians, and yes, sleep with my Protestant wife. |
| Peter Griffin | But I won't enjoy it. And she hates it. |
| Francis Griffin | Well, fine. I'll be on me way. |
| Francis Griffin | Take back your job, and give your old man a hug. |
| Peter Griffin | I love you, Dad. |
| Francis Griffin | I know you do, Son. |
| Peter Griffin | What are you gonna do now? |
| Francis Griffin | I don't know. |
| Francis Griffin | I guess the good Lord doesn't have much use for an old man like me. |
| The Pope | I suppose I could use another pair of hands on my tour. |
| Peter Griffin | You'd give Dad a job, even knowing what a jerk he is? |
| The Pope | I have to. As you said, Peter, "I am the freakin' Pope." |
| [Crowd cheering on TV] |
| Francis Griffin | GRANDPA: All right, get back! |
| Francis Griffin | No flash photography, or you'll go straight to Hell! You! |
| Francis Griffin | You're in God's house, you heathen! |
| Francis Griffin | Take that cap off before I take it off for you! |
| Lois Griffin | I think your father found the perfect job. |
| Peter Griffin | Let's hope so. I love being a good father. |
| Peter Griffin | But I don't want to have to be a good son again for a long, long time. |
| [Knocking] |
| Peter's Mom | GRANDMA: Peter, open the door, and break out the schnapps! |
| Peter's Mom | Guess who needs a place to sleep it off for the weekend? |
| Peter Griffin | Mom? |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God, no! |
| Peter Griffin | Quick, everyone! Into the pod! |
| [Exciting instrumental music] |
| [Theme music] |