| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV" |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry" |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| [Disco music playing] |
| Horace the Bartender | Here you go, boys. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm gonna go places. |
| Cleveland | Oh, that's cool. |
| [Light rock music playing] |
| Horace the Bartender | Here you go, boys. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm gonna go places. |
| Cleveland | Oh, that's fly. |
| [Jazz music playing] |
| Horace the Bartender | Here you go, boys. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, Horace. So I told my boss I'm not staying in that stupid toy factory. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm gonna go places. |
| Cleveland | Oh, you are living la vida loca. |
| Cleveland | It's late. I better head home. |
| Horace the Bartender | HORACE: What do you mean "home"? You guys live here. |
| Quagmire | Yeah. Here's to the Drunken Clam, boys. |
| Quagmire | Where they don't ask for proof of age, and neither do I. |
| Cleveland | Quagmire, you forgot to say "Oh." |
| Quagmire | Are you sure? I think I did. All right. Well, just to be safe, oh! |
| Diane Simmons | DIANE: We interrupt to bring you a special bulletin on the approach of Hurricane Norman. |
| Diane Simmons | Here with an update is Greg, the Weather Mime. |
| Tom Tucker | TOM: Okay, it's gonna be cold, very cold and there's gonna be wind, and people's parents will throw fecal matter down on them from the rooftops. How awful! |
| Tom Tucker | I'm sorry, that's rain. Yes. |
| Tom Tucker | It'll rain. |
| Lois Griffin | Remember, the number-one cause of injury during a hurricane is broken glass. |
| Lois Griffin | So stay away from the windows. And Peter, put those away. |
| Peter Griffin | Aw, come on, Lois. Just one more song. |
| [Glasses ringing musically] |
| Chris Griffin | Mom, I'm afraid if I fall asleep the hurricane's gonna sneak up and give me a vasectomy. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Relax, Chris. Nothing bad ever happens when you're asleep. |
| Peter Griffin | In fact, sometimes good things can happen. |
| Peter Griffin | Jeni. |
| Peter Griffin | Jeni. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, Jeni, don't stop. |
| Peter Griffin | Richard Jeni your HBO comedy specials have brought pleasure to millions. |
| Peter Griffin | And what a sweet ass. |
| Quagmire | Right this way, everyone. |
| Girl | Bless you for helping us, Father. |
| Quagmire | It's God's wish, my dear. |
| [Chuckling] |
| Quagmire | All right! |
| Diane Simmons | Hurricane Norman is beginning to pound Quahog. |
| Diane Simmons | We now go live to Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa for a look at how locals are dealing with the imminent disaster. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Diane, I am here in... |
| Tom Tucker | Thank you, Trisha. Stay tuned for further... |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, what a mess! |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Look at that! |
| Chris Griffin | Wow! |
| Peter Griffin | [Screaming] |
| Peter Griffin | For the love of God, do something! |
| Brian Griffin | BRIAN: Oh, my God! |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Daddy! |
| Peter Griffin | God! Gotcha! |
| Peter Griffin | See, kids? |
| Peter Griffin | Natural disasters have their lighter sides. You just have to be creative. |
| Chris Griffin | Yeah, like my dead-rat marionette theater. |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: "I'm so stressed. Life sure is a human race." |
| All | [AII laughing] |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Right, that's brilliant! |
| Cleveland | CLEVELAND: My, look at all the damage. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Thank God the Open Air Debris Garden is still intact. |
| Cleveland | Peter, look! The Clam! |
| [Brakes screeching] |
| Peter Griffin | This is horrible! |
| Horace the Bartender | You think this is horrible, try losing a testicle in a knife fight with your mother! |
| Joe Swanson | What about your bar? |
| Horace the Bartender | It's not my bar anymore. I sold the place. Let someone else worry about hurricanes. |
| Peter Griffin | Who'd buy a wrecked bar? |
| Horace the Bartender | The bar's not wrecked. |
| Peter Griffin | All right! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, thank you, God. |
| God | Don't mention it. |
| [Whinnying] |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a minute. Something's different. |
| [Orchestral music playing] |
| Waiter | Evening, gents. How about a nice, warm lager? |
| Patron 1 | And help yourself to a packet of crisps. |
| Patron 2 | Or a ruddy nice plum pudding. |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap. It's a gay bar! |
| Joe Swanson | They turned The Drunken Clam into a British pub? |
| Peter Griffin | At least they still got sports on TV. |
| Announcer | ANNOUNCER: The new bowler is spinner Heath who has a cover point long on square leg deep extra cover on two short legs. |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell is he talking about? |
| Patron | It's cricket. Marvelous game, really. |
| Patron | You see, the bowler hurls the ball towards the batter who tries to play away a fine leg. |
| Patron | He endeavors to score by dashing between the creases provided the wicket keeper hasn't whipped his bails off, of course. |
| Peter Griffin | Anybody get that? |
| Cleveland | The only British idiom I know is that "fag" means "cigarette." |
| Peter Griffin | Well, someone tell this cigarette to shut up. |
| Quagmire | QUAGMIRE: Hey, guys! There's no more girlie magazines in the can! |
| Quagmire | All they got is this David Copperfield! |
| Peter Griffin | Wait, any pictures of his girlfriend? |
| Quagmire | No! No pictures at all! |
| Joe Swanson | I think we should go. |
| Peter Griffin | Yes. This is a dark and evil place. |
| Patron | I say, Caruthers. |
| Caruthers | Yes? |
| Patron | Do you know what's very, very funny? A man dressed in women's clothing. |
| Caruthers | Yes, quite. Ripping good laugh. |
| Patron | Yes. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, the Drunken Clam's been taken over by a bunch of lousy, limey, tea-sucking British bastards! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter! |
| Nigel Pinchley | Hello, Nigel Pinchley here. I was just introducing myself to your wife who I must say is an absolutely gorgeous bit of crumpet. |
| [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap! You're one of them! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter! Nigel and his daughter are our new neighbors. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Yes, and I'm afraid I'm the "limey bastard" who has purchased your bar. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Bit of an awkward moment, really. |
| Peter Griffin | Awkward moment? I'll give you an awkward moment. |
| Peter Griffin | One time during sex, I called Lois "Frank." Your move, Sherlock. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter! Excuse us. |
| Lois Griffin | Why are you acting like this? Nigel's charming. All British men are. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, right. That's what they said about Benjamin Disraeli. |
| Benjamin Disraeli | You don't even know who I am. |
| Lois Griffin | The British are a lovely people. Not physically, of course, but inside. |
| Lois Griffin | And Nigel has a very sweet little daughter. |
| Eliza Pinchley | Look at the little baby! |
| Stewie Griffin | What the devil is that ghastly noise? |
| Eliza Pinchely | It's me! Eliza Pinchley. |
| Eliza Pinchely | You want a flower, little baby? |
| Stewie Griffin | Excuse me. What I think you mean to say is, "Would I like a flower?" |
| Stewie Griffin | You don't so much speak the language as chew on it and spit it out! |
| Eliza Pinchely | Go on. What's wrong with the way I talk? |
| Stewie Griffin | Everything. Look, here's a shiny sixpence if you keep your mouth shut and go away. |
| [Stewie sighs] |
| Lois Griffin | Honey, I know the Drunken Clam was your bar. |
| Lois Griffin | But maybe you and your friends can act like idiots somewhere else. |
| Peter Griffin | I guess you're right. You know why I married you, Lois? |
| Peter Griffin | It's not just the rack or the caboose. It's that big, sexy brain of yours. |
| [Laughing] |
| [Mellow music playing] |
| Peter Griffin | All right, this place isn't bad. |
| Joe Swanson | Yeah. Good music, real sports on the tube. |
| Quagmire | I've never seen so many chicks in one place. Check out those two hotties. |
| Quagmire | They're so Ionely, they're practicing kissing. |
| Cleveland | I don't think they're practicing. |
| All | [AII exclaiming] |
| All | [AII exclaiming loudly] |
| All | [AII exclaiming happily] |
| All | [AII sighing] |
| Quagmire | So, you ladies ever been penetrated? |
| Peter Griffin | Yup. |
| [AII agreeing] |
| [AII muttering] |
| Woman | WOMAN: Hope the loo is working. |
| Quagmire | This sucks. Nice choice for a hangout. There's not even anywhere to sit down! |
| Joe Swanson | Is that some kinda crack? |
| Peter Griffin | Crack? Are you saying I got a fat ass? |
| Cleveland | Fellas, what's become of us? |
| Cleveland | We never squabbled before we lost the Clam. |
| Joe Swanson | Yeah, you're right! Those lousy fog breathers! |
| Peter Griffin | Damn British! First they took our bar, now our friendship! |
| Peter Griffin | What's next? Apple pie, fast cars and action films? |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| [Sweet instrumental music] |
| Arnold Schwarzeneggar | ARNOLD: It was summer in Oxford when I met Freddy Cavendish a most remarkable young man, whose friendship would change my life forever. |
| Sylvester Stallone | You are the anchor that gives my spirit license to soar. |
| Joe Swanson | Our forefathers wouldn't have taken it on the chin like this. |
| Peter Griffin | You're damn right. |
| Peter Griffin | I say we fight the British and drive them back to whatever country they came from! |
| All | Yeah! |
| Cleveland | We gonna get 'em. |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie, look. It's an invitation to little Eliza's birthday party. |
| Stewie Griffin | That horrid girl who talks like a scullery maid? |
| Stewie Griffin | I didn't realize she'd been born. |
| Stewie Griffin | I assumed she'd simply congealed in a gutter somewhere. |
| Lois Griffin | I'm gonna RSVP right now. |
| Stewie Griffin | Splendid, an entire afternoon of her "ers," "ars" and "'alf a pound of ha'penny rice." |
| Stewie Griffin | Why can't the English teach their children how to speak? |
| Brian Griffin | You teach her. Don't think you're up to it? |
| Stewie Griffin | This is the part where I'm supposed to say, "Oh, I am so up to it." |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, I am! I accept your challenge! |
| Stewie Griffin | At the celebration of her birthday, I shall pass that guttersnipe off as a lady. |
| Stewie Griffin | What are the stakes of this wager? |
| Brian Griffin | Shut up for about a week. |
| Stewie Griffin | Very well. And if I win? |
| Brian Griffin | I wasn't betting. Why don't you just shut up for about a week? |
| Stewie Griffin | You're on! |
| [Marching drum beating] |
| [Penny whistle piping] |
| Peter Griffin | Minutemen, present arms! Load weapons! |
| [Tribal chanting] |
| Peter Griffin | Fire! |
| Patron | Throw the blackguards out! |
| Waiter | Gentlemen, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave! |
| Cleveland | Don't tread on me! |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, back off! We kicked your ass in World War II, and we can do it again! |
| Waiter | Very well, then. |
| ??? | If you refuse to go peaceably, we'll have to use our superior linguistic skills to convince you to leave. - Oh, yeah? Just try it! |
| All | ALL: Bye, now. |
| Cleveland | CLEVELAND: Thanks. |
| Cleveland | Sorry to bother you. |
| Joe Swanson | I never saw it that way before. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait, how did they do that? |
| Peter Griffin | Well, we're not gonna let this stop us. I've never been defeated, except once. |
| [Electronic sound effects] |
| Peter Griffin | Eric? |
| Eric | Peter? |
| Peter Griffin | My God, I haven't seen you since high school. |
| Peter Griffin | What are you doing now? |
| Eric | I'm the red guy. |
| ??? extra??? | Oh my God. |
| ??? extra??? | What are you doing? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm the green guy. |
| Eric | No kidding? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. |
| Eric | Hey, is that Stacy Beecham? |
| Peter Griffin | Where? |
| [Mysterious instrumental music] |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Now, don't worry. These guys are trained to stay perfectly still. |
| Peter Griffin | Check it out. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Margaret... I thought you English guys never moved. |
| Sentry | No. That's just our women. |
| [Both laughing] |
| Sentry | Bloody hell! My lunch was in that hat! Egg and chips with jam booties! |
| Peter Griffin | Welcome to the Quahog Beer Party! |
| Joe Swanson | I do feel a little guilty about polluting. |
| Quagmire | I felt Guilty once, but she woke up halfway through. |
| Joe Swanson | Peter, what are you doing? |
| Peter Griffin | It may taste like a warm cup of tobacco chewers' spit but it's still beer, damn it. |
| Joe Swanson | Good point. Bottoms up! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Take that, you lousy Brits! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, we waited up all night. Where were you? |
| Peter Griffin | Where was I? Where were you? |
| Lois Griffin | Out drinking. But I was back by 2:00. |
| Brian Griffin | No! |
| Tom Tucker | Our top story. The Clam's Head Pub has burned to the ground. |
| Diane Simmons | Our own Trisha Takanawa is on the scene. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Is Quahog in the grip of a serial arsonist? |
| Trishia Takanawa | Police say no, but our producer says yes. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Here's an artist's depiction of what the arsonist might look like. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Anyone with information about this suspect should contact Quahog police immediately. |
| Trishia Takanawa | One thing is certain. The pain here is palpable. |
| Trishia Takanawa | For many, this charred portrait of Elizabeth II gives poignant new meaning to the phrase, "Hey, check out that flaming queen." |
| Tom Tucker | In a late-breaking development, the police have a new suspect. |
| Tom Tucker | We now go live to Hispanic reporter, Maria... |
| [Stuttering] |
| Diane Simmons | Jimenez. |
| Tom Tucker | I know what it is. |
| Maria Jimenez | Tom, at this moment we're approaching the suspect's house. |
| Peter Griffin | This is better than Cops. You know there's a fat drunk guy in there. |
| Cop 1 | COP 1: Hold it! COP |
| Cop 2 | 2: Freeze! |
| Cop 1 | There he is. |
| Cop 2 | Hands up. You're coming with us. |
| Peter Griffin | I want to see what they do with this jackass. |
| Cop 2 | COP 2: Hands up! |
| Lois Griffin | My God! Peter, you didn't! |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, fatty's wife is a babe! |
| Cop 2 | That's it! |
| Maria Jimenez | Tom, it appears the real arsonist is in custody thanks to an anonymous tip. |
| Giant Bug | GIANT BUG: Good. |
| Peter Griffin | The fat guy's struggling. |
| Peter Griffin | Hit him, you stupid pigs, hit him! Use the billy... |
| [Solemn instrumental music] |
| Judge | This Quahog Minuteman flag was found at the wreckage of the Clam's Head. |
| Judge | You are clearly guilty of arson, so you are free to go straight to jail! |
| Judge | Now you got burned! No bail! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, tell me you didn't do this. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, I didn't do it! |
| Peter Griffin | You know you can trust me, right? Let's sit down and talk about this. |
| Lois Griffin | I want to believe you, but... |
| Peter Griffin | Gotcha! But seriously, you can trust me. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Lois, I'm so sorry this terrible tragedy has befallen you. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you, Nigel. You're very kind. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Can I touch your bum once? |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Nigel Pinchley | Now I expect to see you at Eliza's birthday, and I won't take no for an answer unless the question is, "Do you not like me?" |
| Nigel Pinchley | Get it? Double negative, you know? Very good. Yes. |
| [Sinister instrumental music] |
| Inmate 1 | Hey, check out the new meat! |
| Inmate 2 | I like the fat one. More cushion for the pushin'. |
| Peter Griffin | Thank you. |
| Inmate 2 | You and me gonna have a good time together! |
| Peter Griffin | Gosh, everybody's so nice here. |
| Peter Griffin | They're gonna be disappointed when they find out I'm not gay, but wow! |
| Joe Swanson | Oh, my God. See that guy? |
| Joe Swanson | That's the most vicious killer I ever put away. |
| Joe Swanson | His name's Steve Bellows. |
| Joe Swanson | He's so mean, he once shot a man for snoring. |
| Quagmire | Where have I heard that before? |
| Joe Swanson | It's all in this simulated leather-bound edition of Time-Life's Killers of Quahog. |
| Peter Griffin | Wow. They're all here. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: John the Biter, the Berserk Hobo, the Golden Autumn Day Strangler. |
| Cleveland | Maybe Steve won't remember you. |
| [Ominous instrumental music] |
| Steve Bellows | Well, Officer Swanson. |
| Steve Bellows | You and your friends are dead! You're all dead! |
| Peter Griffin | Good. |
| Peter Griffin | He thinks we're zombies. He'll leave us alone. |
| Stewie Griffin | No, no! If you're ever going to be a lady, you must learn to speak like one. |
| Stewie Griffin | Now try it again. "The life of the wife is ended by the knife." |
| Eliza Pinchley | "The loif of the w..." |
| Stewie Griffin | No, no, no. Not "loif," "life!" |
| Eliza Pinchley | That's wha' I said! "Loif!" |
| Stewie Griffin | Now listen to me, we've got five days left. |
| Stewie Griffin | I'll not lose my wager. Now repeat after me. |
| Stewie Griffin | "Hello, Mother. Have you hidden my hatchet?" |
| Eliza Pinchley | "'AIIo, Mother. 'Ave you 'idden my 'atchet?" |
| Stewie Griffin | God, no! It's an "H" sound, you moron! |
| Stewie Griffin | Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! |
| Eliza Pinchley | Your breath smells like kitty litter! |
| Stewie Griffin | I was curious! |
| Bonnie Swanson | BONNIE: Our husbands couldn't have done this. |
| Loretta | Yeah. Cleveland can't even light the damn hibachi on the Fourth of July! |
| Insurance Agent | Do you know where I can find Nigel Pinchley? |
| Insurance Agent | I'm from Quahog Insurance, and I have a check for him. |
| Lois Griffin | $5 million? |
| Insurance Agent | Yeah, lucky fella took out a huge policy the day before the fire. |
| Lois Griffin | Doesn't that strike you as a little suspicious? |
| Insurance Agent | No, not really. In fact, it seems to happen all the time. |
| Joe Swanson | No! Here comes Steve! |
| Steve Bellows | I haven't forgot about you boys! Saturday night at midnight, you're dead! |
| Steve Bellows | All of you are dead! |
| Peter Griffin | Midnight on Saturday? |
| Peter Griffin | Thank God! We can still be in the talent show! |
| Peter Griffin | From the top, boys. Five, six, seven, eight. |
| [Jazz instrumental music] |
| Stewie Griffin | Once again, here is how it should sound. "How do you do?" |
| Stewie Griffin | And here is how you sound. |
| [Can moos] |
| Stewie Griffin | Now try it again. |
| Eliza Pinchley | "How do you do?" |
| Stewie Griffin | What did you say? |
| Eliza Pinchley | "The life of the wife is ended by the knife." |
| Stewie Griffin | I think she's got it! I think she's got it! |
| Eliza Pinchley | [Singing] "The life of the wife is ended by the knife" |
| Stewie Griffin | By George, she's got it! |
| Stewie Griffin | Now, what ends her wretched life? |
| Eliza Pinchley | "The knife! The knife!" |
| Stewie Griffin | And where's that bloody knife? |
| Eliza Pinchley | "In the wife! In the wife!" |
| Eliza Pinchley | "The life of the wife is ended by the knife" |
| Stewie Griffin | Bravo, Eliza! |
| Both | BOTH: "The life of the wife is ended by the knife" |
| Nigel Pinchley | Hello. So nice to see you. |
| Lois Griffin | There he is. All right, we need to search the house for evidence. |
| Lois Griffin | But one of us is gonna have to distract Nigel. |
| Lois Griffin | No, I couldn't. What about Loretta? |
| Loretta | Nigel looks like he's down with the swirl. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Oh, there you are, Lois. |
| Nigel Pinchley | Shall I give you the grand tour and show you my private quarters? - I'd love to. |
| Nigel Pinchley | I must say, you look absolutely... |
| [Muttering] |
| Nigel Pinchley | NIGEL: Don't be shy, my lambie-lamb. |
| Nigel Pinchley | This is my study where I study things that arouse my interest. |
| Lois Griffin | [Thinking] Good, the girls are in place. |
| Lois Griffin | Nigel, since Peter's been gone, I've been searching for someone new. |
| Lois Griffin | You know, someone with a sense of danger and adventure. |
| Nigel Pinchley | I once played a game of cricket without shin guards. |
| Lois Griffin | I love a reckless man! |
| Nigel Pinchley | One time, I went up to this bloke's flat, rang the bell, and ran like Sebastian Coe! |
| Lois Griffin | More! Tell me more! |
| Nigel Pinchley | I burned down my pub for the insurance money and framed your husband! |
| Lois Griffin | I knew it! And what's more, I have witnesses! Bonnie! |
| Lois Griffin | Loretta? |
| Lois Griffin | Demond Wilson from Sanford and Son? What are you doing here? |
| Demond Wilson | I know. I'm surprised I'm alive, too. |
| Nigel Pinchley | NIGEL: Sorry, love. Better luck next time. |
| Insurance Agent | Mr. Pinchley, I heard everything! |
| Insurance Agent | What you've done is a textbook example of insurance "fraud"! |
| Nigel Pinchley | Bloody hell! What the devil were you doing in the closet anyway? |
| Insurance Agent | I came with Demond. |
| Butler | BUTLER: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Eliza Pinchley. |
| Stewie Griffin | You, Dogbert! Down here! Get a front-row seat for this one. |
| [Sweet instrumental music] |
| Eliza Pinchley | ELIZA: How kind of you all to come. |
| Stewie Griffin | Magnificent! I say, old sport, why don't you pull your face from your own loins and bury it into some humble pie? |
| Eliza Pinchley | Oh, bloody 'ell! I've gone and wet meself! |
| Stewie Griffin | Don't give me that smug look! Fine! |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, you have extra-sensitive hearing. Hear this. |
| [Inaudible] |
| Brian Griffin | I'm telling. |
| Stewie Griffin | No! I said "vacuum"! |
| Quagmire | Steve's gonna be here in five minutes! |
| Peter Griffin | Aw, crap! We're dead! |
| Peter Griffin | I guess this is the end, boys. |
| Peter Griffin | Looks like our next stop is a corner booth in a bar in Heaven! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, Nigel confessed! You're free! |
| Peter Griffin | You hear that, guys? We're free! |
| [Cheering] |
| Cleveland | CLEVELAND: Freedom! |
| Steve Bellows | Get ready to die! |
| Steve Bellows | I wonder what this feels like. |
| [Shouts] |
| Steve Bellows | That hurts! |
| Steve Bellows | My God, is that what I've been doing to people? |
| Steve Bellows | I belong here. |
| [Upbeat instrumental music] |
| [Crowd cheering] |
| Peter Griffin | Horace, I never thought I'd see you and the Clam again. |
| Horace the Bartender | Florida stunk. |
| Horace the Bartender | An alligator mounted me when I wasn't looking and laid eggs in my lower intestine. |
| Horace the Bartender | But you're all thirsty. I'll bore you another time. |
| Peter Griffin | Here's to our wives. |
| Peter Griffin | They may not be as hot as the women you see on TV, or as entertaining but... |
| Peter Griffin | I don't know where I'm going with this, but thanks anyway. |
| Lois Griffin | I guess that lousy Nigel learned his lesson. Whatever he gets is too good for him. |
| [Thunder crashing] |
| Eliza Pinchley | ELIZA: Dear Stewie, I want you to know I blame my father's death and my incarceration in this hell hole entirely on your awful mother. |
| Eliza Pinchley | If it takes the rest of my life, I shall see that she suffers a slow and painful death. |
| Eliza PInchley | Eliza. |
| [Laughing] |
| Stewie Griffin | Excellent. Here, have a look. |
| Giant Bug | GIANT BUG: Good. |
| [Theme music] |