| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| [Cheery instrumental music] |
| Lois Griffin | Everything's all set for Stewie's birthday party. |
| Peter Griffin | I can't believe he's almost a year old. |
| Lois Griffin | Yeah. I'll never forget the day he was born. |
| Dr. Hartman | DOCTOR: One more push, Lois. |
| Dr. Hartman | DOCTOR: This is a miracle, Mr. Griffin. Would you like to see? |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Yeah, I've never actually seen a baby being... Oh, God! |
| Dr. Hartman | DOCTOR: Congratulations. It's a boy. |
| Dr. Hartman | DOCTOR: Wait a minute. I don't think we're through. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God! Is it twins? |
| Dr. Hartman | DOCTOR: No. It's a map of Europe. |
| [Sinister instrumental music] |
| Lois Griffin | I confirmed everything with the birthday party planner at Cheesie Charlie's. |
| Peter Griffin | Why Cheesie Charlie's? |
| Chris Griffin | They have this game where you put in a dollar and you win four quarters! |
| Chris Griffin | I win every time! I get to go, right? |
| Peter Griffin | Why can't we have the same kind of party we always do? |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, this could be our last first birthday ever. |
| Lois Griffin | When Meg and Chris turned one, I had so much to do, I missed everything. |
| [Kids chattering] |
| Lois Griffin | [Sighs] |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Lois, you won't believe this! Meg just said "Da-Da!" |
| Lois Griffin | Her first words? |
| Peter Griffin | Then she stood up by herself and started walking! |
| Lois Griffin | Her first steps? |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. |
| Lois Griffin | What the hell are you doing in here anyway? |
| [Drums playing] |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: All right! Her first drum solo. |
| [Applause] |
| Lois Griffin | Thanks to Cheesie Charlie I'm not gonna miss a moment of Stewie's party. |
| Stewie Griffin | I say, am I to spend the entire day wallowing around in my own feces? |
| Stewie Griffin | A little service here! |
| Lois Griffin | Hey, Stinky. Have we got some big plans for you. |
| Stewie Griffin | Plans? What the devil are you talking about? |
| Chris Griffin | It's your birthday, dude. |
| Lois Griffin | Saturday's gonna be real special, honey. |
| Lois Griffin | I've hired a professional to make sure everything goes just right. |
| Stewie Griffin | A professional? There's treachery afoot! |
| Meg Griffin | [Crying] |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, you're home late. |
| Meg Griffin | I stayed after school to try out for cheerleading. |
| Peter Griffin | Don't keep me in suspense. How'd you do? |
| Meg Griffin | I'll give you a hint. |
| Meg Griffin | I S-U-C-K-E-D! Sucked! |
| Peter Griffin | Yay! |
| Peter Griffin | I mean, sorry, honey. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: God, I hate high school. I don't fit in with anyone. |
| Peter Griffin | Boy. Do I know that feeling. |
| [Suspenseful, jazzy instrumental music] |
| Dancer | Okay, man. Okay. You are really throwing me off. |
| Dancer | It's step-kick, step-twirl. Got it? |
| Peter Griffin | I thought we were gonna rumble with those greasy Sharks. |
| Dancer | Not without seven years of ballet and two of jazz tap, we're not. |
| Dancer | From the top, people! Why don't you just hang back and stretch? |
| Meg Griffin | I don't get it. |
| Meg Griffin | The more I try to make friends, the more people hate me. |
| Peter Griffin | Listen. You're a one-of-a-kind girl with a mind of her own. |
| Peter Griffin | Now, see, that's what people hate. |
| Meg Griffin | Really? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm telling you, just be the girl you think everyone else wants you to be. |
| Meg Griffin | Wow, it's so obvious. |
| Meg Griffin | Thanks, Daddy. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Hi, Mom. Bye, Mom. |
| Lois Griffin | I haven't seen Meg this happy since that bus broke down in front of our house. |
| Hanson Boy | Hi. Can we use your phone? |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap! It's The Children of the Corn! |
| Peter Griffin | Meg and I had a little father-daughter talk. |
| Lois Griffin | It seems to have worked. |
| Peter Griffin | I wasn't just blowing smoke when I bought this T-shirt. |
| Lois Griffin | Well, you're the number-one husband, too. |
| Peter Griffin | I know. That's why I bought this T-shirt. |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: "Dear Diary... |
| Stewie Griffin | "It seems the domestic overseers are plotting against me. |
| Stewie Griffin | "Their plans somehow relate to the anniversary of my escape from the womb. |
| Stewie Griffin | "I'm still haunted by the memories of how I was incarcerated... |
| Stewie Griffin | "...in that amniotic Attica. |
| [Epic instrumental music] |
| Stewie Griffin | "As I recall, it was every potential man for himself. |
| [Whooshing] |
| Stewie Griffin | "I alone had reached the target objective, thanks to the intrepidity... |
| Stewie Griffin | "...I developed at testicular boot camp. But it was a trap! |
| Stewie Griffin | "I was imprisoned in that uterine gulag for nine grueling months. " |
| Stewie Griffin | Day 171. I've sprouted another finger, counting the one from yesterday. |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm up to 11. |
| Stewie Griffin | "As the months of solitude passed, I began to go insane. |
| Stewie Griffin | "It seemed my prison cell was getting smaller and smaller. |
| Stewie Griffin | "I was quite sure that soon I would be dead. |
| Stewie Griffin | "But then, a miracle! There was a light at the end of the tunnel. |
| Stewie Griffin | "I rushed to freedom, but suddenly I was ambushed by a mysterious man in white! " |
| Stewie Griffin | The man in white. Of course. |
| Stewie Griffin | He must be the hired professional of whom they spoke. |
| Stewie Griffin | He failed to thwart my escape into the outside world. |
| Stewie Griffin | And now, one year hence, he's returning to rectify his mistake and put me back in the womb! |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Girl 1 | Boy, it sure is great being thin and popular. |
| Girl 2 | Let's throw up. |
| Girl 1 | Sure! |
| Girl 3 | Good idea! |
| Girl 3 | I love throwing up. |
| Girls | [Laughing] |
| [Sighs] |
| Jennifer | Hi. I'm Jennifer. |
| Meg Griffin | I'm Meg. |
| Jennifer | My God. Your hair is so beautiful. I just want to brush it. |
| Meg Griffin | Really? |
| Meg Griffin | You want to go throw up? |
| [Western instrumental music] |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, Dad, let's go whack some moles! |
| Peter Griffin | Now, Chris, we're not here for fun. |
| [Children giggling] |
| Peter Griffin | Now your mom is counting on us to drop off the deposit. |
| Peter Griffin | So let's just deliver the check and... |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Hong Kong Phooey! |
| Chris Griffin | Yeah! Come on! Go, yeah! Eat my dust! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Come on, move it! Oh, man! Chris, this place is great. |
| Peter Griffin | Pull over, you bastard! |
| Peter Griffin | Pull over, you bastard! |
| Peter Griffin | Man. |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: Hey, Dad, they even got games in the bathroom. Look, I won a balloon! |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, way to go, Chris. |
| Peter Griffin | Where's my watch? |
| Boy | All right. I won a watch. What's The Dukes of Hazzard?. |
| Peter Griffin | That's mine. Come on. Come on, give that back! |
| Peter Griffin | Give it! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on! |
| Uncle Jesse | UNCLE JESSE: Folks in Hazzard County hadn't seen a watch fight in a long time. |
| Uncle Jesse | Them boys rassled for a full five minutes before the manager stepped in. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on! |
| Boy | Hands off, fatty! |
| Employee | Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm a paying customer. |
| Peter Griffin | I got a deposit check for my kid's party right here. |
| Employee | Mr. Griffin. I am terribly sorry. |
| Employee | We're really looking forward to Stewie's special day. |
| Peter Griffin | Now I don't know, after the emotional trauma I've endured on your premises, I think I deserve a little discount. |
| Employee | Sir, our prices are set by the corporate office. |
| Peter Griffin | Then maybe I'll just take my business elsewhere. |
| Peter Griffin | Good luck filling our spot by this Saturday. |
| Man | MAN: I got cash! |
| Woman | WOMAN: I'll take it! |
| Employee | Suit yourself. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait. I was just bluffing. My wife has her heart set on this place. |
| [Peter yells after him] |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, this is a big day for you. The day you become the man of the house. |
| Peter Griffin | Because when we get home, your mother is going to kill me. |
| Stewie Griffin | So the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb, is he? |
| Stewie Griffin | If I'm to defeat him, I shall require professional forces. |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Here we are. "Come to Managua, the Mecca of mercenaries." |
| Stewie Griffin | I must prepare for my journey. |
| Stewie Griffin | Let's see. Grenades, mace, baggy full of Cheerios... |
| Lois Griffin | So, are we all set at Cheesie Charlie's? |
| Peter Griffin | Actually, I canceled the reservation. |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Lois Griffin | How could you? |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, I got a very good reason. |
| Brian Griffin | Wait a second. |
| Brian Griffin | These are always classic. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, that Cheesie Charlie's is no good. See, it happened like this. |
| [Spooky instrumental music] |
| [Screaming] |
| Employee | Welcome to Cheesie Charlie's. Heil, Hitler! |
| Peter Griffin | Actually, the name's Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | I was sent by my smart, beautiful, and still sexually appealing wife, Lois. |
| Employee | Yes. We're all set for your little boy's party. |
| Peter Griffin | I understand we're getting a terrific bargain here. |
| Employee | Absolutely. The children get to play our games. |
| Employee | And if they win enough tickets, they get a prize. |
| Boy | I have 13 tickets now. Is that enough? |
| Employee | Sorry, Timmy. But you need 15 tickets to live. |
| Boy | [Screaming] |
| Employee | They also get food, cake, and your choice of ice-cream flavors vanilla, strawberry, chocolate, or people. |
| Peter Griffin | What was that? |
| Employee | Chocolate. Give me the check. |
| Peter Griffin | Hold it! Lois may have had her heart set on this place but I love my family too much to risk their lives. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Chris. We're leaving. |
| Employee | No, you're not! |
| Peter Griffin | Please don't make me angry, pal. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry. |
| [Eerie instrumental music] |
| Lois Griffin | All right, Peter. That's enough! |
| Brian Griffin | Bravo, Peter. You are the Spalding Gray of crap. |
| Lois Griffin | Do you know how hard it was to get a reservation at Cheesie Charlie's? |
| Lois Griffin | I had to book it the day of my ultrasound. |
| Lois Griffin | We'll never find another place in time! |
| Lois Griffin | For once, it was all gonna be so perfect! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Lois. It'll still be perfect. We'll give him the best birthday ever right here in the safety and comfort of our own home. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, we've been over this. |
| Peter Griffin | Honey, you won't have to lift a finger. |
| Peter Griffin | I got us a clown, a cake, a petting zoo, a big-ass pi |
| Lois Griffin | You got all those things? |
| Peter Griffin | You bet I did. |
| Lois Griffin | Wow. |
| Lois Griffin | Even Cheesie Charlie's doesn't have a petting zoo. |
| Lois Griffin | Okay, I'll call the parents and let them know the party's here. |
| Brian Griffin | You don't have any of those things. |
| Peter Griffin | How do you know? |
| Brian Griffin | Face it. You're a terrible liar. |
| Man | [Sniffing] |
| Prieter | It was you. |
| Brian Griffin | Clowns and petting zoos book months in advance. |
| Brian Griffin | You're gonna have a tough time finding a... Hold on. |
| Driver | DRIVER: Ya! Ya! |
| [Horses neighing] |
| Brian Griffin | Some day. |
| Ticket Agent | Hey there, little boy. Are you lost? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Now, listen to me, Jolene. |
| Stewie Griffin | I've got an army to raise, and I must get to Nicaragua. |
| Stewie Griffin | I require a window seat and an in-flight Happy Meal. And no pickles! |
| Stewie Griffin | God help you if I find pickles. |
| Ticket Agent | Henry, I have a lost little boy. |
| Henry | Hey there, little fella. Why don't you come with me? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Damn you! You're one of them, aren't you? |
| Stewie Griffin | What are they paying you? I'll double it! |
| Stewie Griffin | I'll give you whatever you want! Money! Women! Men? |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, what are we doing here again? |
| Peter Griffin | Pigs, Chris. We're getting pigs for Stewie's petting zoo. |
| [BIower starting] |
| [Pig squealing] |
| [Pigs squealing] |
| [Motor stopping] |
| Peter Griffin | Crafty swine. |
| ? | UPS. |
| ? | Little bastards ain't as smart as... |
| Meg Griffin | Hi, Mom. This is Jennifer. She gave me a ride home. |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, you made a friend. |
| Jennifer | JENNIFER: What a lovely house, Mrs. G. |
| Jennifer | Meg, you didn't tell me your mother was just like Martha Stewart. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, no. Once you get to know me, I'm really very nice. |
| Jennifer | You know what's nice? Having a friend like Meg. And kittens. |
| Jennifer | It was super swell meeting you. Bye, Meg. Friends forever. |
| Meg Griffin | Forever and ever. |
| [Giddy laughter] |
| Jennifer | Wow! What a great yard! |
| Meg Griffin | Guess what, Mom? Jennifer invited me to a party on Saturday. |
| Lois Griffin | This Saturday? Meg, you can't miss Stewie's first birthday. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: But Mom... |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, our entire family is going to be here for Stewie's party. |
| Lois Griffin | And that includes you. Understood? |
| Meg Griffin | I can't believe you'd put your family before your own daughter! |
| Brian Griffin | She's a whiny little runt, isn't she? |
| Brian Griffin | I said "runt." |
| Peter Griffin | I don't think I'm in the right place. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm looking for a guy to entertain the kids at my son's birthday. |
| Man | Sure. I can do that. |
| Peter Griffin | You do children's parties? |
| Man | Yeah. I can do, like, a handstand, and some somersaults maybe. |
| Man | I can make pretend like the children are little bugs in my web. |
| Henry | Do you know your phone number, son? |
| Stewie Griffin | The only way you'll get me to talk is through slow, painful torture. |
| Stewie Griffin | And I don't think you've got the grapes! |
| Henry | It sounds like you don't want to go home. Are you running away? |
| Stewie Griffin | Stewart Gilligan Griffin runs from nothing! |
| Henry | You know, son, running away never solves anything. |
| Henry | You're getting to be a big boy now. |
| Henry | And part of growing up means facing your problems head on. |
| Stewie Griffin | The ruptured capillaries in your nose belie the clarity of your wisdom. |
| Stewie Griffin | You're saying I must return to face this man in white myself. So be it. |
| Stewie Griffin | As for you, kind sage, I only hope my heartfelt thanks will keep you warm as you spend the next 10 years in frozen carbonite! |
| Brian Griffin | Peter, you've only got a couple of hours left. |
| Brian Griffin | If you pull a party out of your ass, you'll want to stand up. |
| Meg Griffin | My friend Jennifer invited me to hang out with her friends. |
| Meg Griffin | Can I go? |
| Peter Griffin | I won't fall for this trick. Did you ask your mother? |
| Meg Griffin | Yes. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay, then. Have fun, sweetheart. |
| Meg Griffin | Thanks, Daddy! |
| Peter Griffin | Brian, Stewie's birthday is gonna suck. |
| Peter Griffin | The only stuff I could get on such short notice was a cake and that big-ass pi |
| Brian Griffin | I sure hope candy comes out of that. |
| Peter Griffin | Face it, Brian. I'm a bad father, a lousy husband, and a snappy dresser. |
| Peter Griffin | I'll never be able to face Lois. |
| Brian Griffin | The circus is in town. Maybe you could run away and join it. |
| Peter Griffin | The circus! |
| [Marching band playing] |
| [Elephant trumpeting] |
| Neighbor | Hi. This is the right day, isn't it? |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, yes. Peter should be back any minute and then we can start the party, I hope. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois, look. The two symbols of the Republican party an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, this is the most wonderful celebration I could have imagined. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Yeah. Where's Stewie? |
| Lois Griffin | He's upstairs, resting up for his big day. |
| [Oriental instrumental music] |
| Lois Griffin | I'll get him. If you see Meg, tell her to take plenty of pictures. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg's not here. She went to a friend's house. |
| Lois Griffin | What? She's gonna miss Stewie's birthday. |
| Peter Griffin | I dropped her off an hour ago. Boy, is she gonna be sorry, or what? |
| Lois Griffin | Peter. How could you let her go? |
| Peter Griffin | What's the big deal? So Meg's with her new friends. |
| Peter Griffin | They seemed like some nice kids. |
| Jennifer | JENNIFER: I'm glad you could join us. We're gonna have a great time on our trip. |
| Meg Griffin | A trip? Like to the beach? Because I didn't bring my swimsuit. |
| Jennifer | You won't need anything where we're going. |
| Jennifer | Excuse me. I've gotta go mix the punch. |
| [Whimsical music playing] |
| [Whimsical music playing] |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: Birthday dude? Do you want some ice cream? |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes. But no sprinkles! For every sprinkle I find, I shall kill you! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, Lois. I hate to see you so upset. |
| Peter Griffin | We got animals. We got clowns. |
| Peter Griffin | I mean, a party couldn't be any better if Jesus himself showed up. |
| Jesus | Okay, everybody. For my next miracle, I'm gonna turn water into funk. |
| [Disco music playing] |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, the circus is terrific. But it's not just Stewie's birthday. |
| Lois Griffin | We're also celebrating the day our family became whole. |
| Lois Griffin | Today means nothing if Meg isn't here. |
| Jennifer | Meg, you seem sad. Today's a happy day. |
| Meg Griffin | I know. It's just that I really like that guy over there. |
| Meg Griffin | But he doesn't even know I exist. He must think I'm a total dog. |
| Jennifer | That is so not true. |
| Meg Griffin | Then what is it? |
| Jennifer | He's a eunuch. |
| Meg Griffin | Really? |
| Jennifer | Sure. All the guys here have been castrated. |
| Jennifer | It's cool. |
| Boy 1 | Do you think that girl is hot? |
| Boy 2 | No. |
| Boy 1 | Me neither. |
| [Elephant trumpeting] |
| Brian Griffin | Hey, you. Hit me. |
| Brian Griffin | There. Now, if I can just find a midget with some gin, I'll be in business. |
| Brian Griffin | Where are you off to? |
| Peter Griffin | I gotta make things right for Lois and get this monkey off my back. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Ow! Knock it off! |
| Stewie Griffin | All right, men, the man in white is coming to put me back in the womb. |
| Stewie Griffin | Today he comes for me, but tomorrow it could be you or you! |
| Stewie Griffin | I offer you the opportunity to join me in glorious battle. |
| Stewie Griffin | I know that for some of you, your motor skills are not developed. |
| Stewie Griffin | Sadly, you will be used as decoys. |
| Stewie Griffin | But your children's children will know that you fell for a noble cause. |
| Stewie Griffin | Now, who's with me? |
| Girl | Duckie? |
| Stewie Griffin | Useless, every one of you! Fine. |
| Stewie Griffin | I'll defend myself, and the hell with all of you! |
| Stewie Griffin | There, I've gone and soiled myself. Are you happy now? |
| [Gong goes off] |
| Jennifer | Our leader is here to take us on our journey! |
| Cult Leader | My children, rejoice. The hour of transformation is close at hand. |
| Cult Leader | Who are you? |
| Jennifer | This is Meg, wise one. Can she come with us? |
| Cult Leader | Perhaps. Do you have a mind that seeks enlightenment and a heart that seeks purity? |
| Meg Griffin | Not really. |
| Cult Leader | Okay. Are you a confused adolescent desperately seeking acceptance from an undifferentiated ego mass that demands conformity? |
| Meg Griffin | Wow, that sort of sounds more like me. |
| Cult Leader | Great! Then all you need is a dark-blue jogging suit. |
| Cult Leader | Let's see what we have in stock. |
| Cult Leader | What are you? About a 9? |
| Meg Griffin | No. A 6. |
| Cult Leader | Right. Dispense the refreshments. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, there you are. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, what are you doing here? I'm so embarrassed, I could die! |
| Boy | GUY: Not before the rest of us! |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, your mother wants the family together today. |
| Meg Griffin | It's just Stewie's birthday. So what if I'm not there? |
| Meg Griffin | Who's gonna remember? |
| Peter Griffin | Your mom will, trust me. She remembers everything. |
| Peter Griffin | In fact, she always says the best memories she has are when you kids were born. |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, that's it. This day is more for your mom than it is for Stewie. |
| Peter Griffin | With all she's given us, she oughta get whatever she wants. |
| Peter Griffin | And, Meg, today she wants you to be with the family. |
| Meg Griffin | Really? |
| Meg Griffin | Daddy, you must think I'm the worst daughter ever. |
| Peter Griffin | No you're not, honey. What about that fat girl from the Judds? |
| Meg Griffin | I'm sorry I've been so selfish. |
| Boy 1 | I miss my mom. |
| Boy 2 | Me, too. |
| Boy 2 | I also miss my nads. |
| Jennifer | Mr. Griffin, can we come to Stewie's party, too? |
| Peter Griffin | Sure. The more the merrier. |
| Jennifer | Meg, you have the coolest family. |
| Peter Griffin | She sure does. |
| Peter Griffin | Here's to family! |
| All | To family! |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez, look at the time! Come on. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, kids. Let's get going. |
| [Bodies falling over] |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry, Meg. |
| Peter Griffin | It's another bunch of people that'd rather fake death than go to a party with you. |
| Cult Leader | Children, the time of ascension has arrived. |
| Cult Leader | For the love of God. Haven't any of you ever been in a cult before? |
| Cult Leader | Damn it! I can't achieve transcendence by myself. |
| Cult Leader | That would just make me some kind of Ione nut. |
| Cult Leader | Somebody's got to die with me. |
| Cult Leader | Come back, Meg! |
| Cult Leader | Whoops. Can't forget my ceremonial white robe. |
| Lois Griffin | I guess there's nothing left but the birthday cake. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Right here! |
| Lois Griffin | Meg! |
| Meg Griffin | I'm sorry, Mom. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you, Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | No problem. I cannot wait to taste this cake. |
| Peter Griffin | The guy who sold it to me said it was delicious and erotic. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, there's a naked man on this cake. |
| Peter Griffin | There were only two left. |
| Peter Griffin | And trust me, you did not want the one of Al Roker with the Hershey Kiss nipples. |
| Lois Griffin | Gather round, everyone. It's time for Stewie's big moment. |
| [Knocking] |
| Cult Leader | LEADER: Hello? |
| Cult Leader | Is anybody home? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Greetings, man in white. I've been expecting you. |
| Cult Leader | Who said that? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Peek-a-boo! I see you! |
| Stewie Griffin | You're getting warmer. |
| Cult Leader | Where are you? What do you want? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Freedom! What do you want? |
| Cult Leader | I want to get the hell out of here! |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: I'm sorry. We're fresh out of that. I'm afraid all that's left is untimely death. |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Cult Leader | What the hell is this? |
| Stewie Griffin | It's a boy! |
| [Energy pulsing] |
| Lois Griffin | Anybody seen Stewie? |
| Meg Griffin | Yeah. Where is the birthday boy? |
| Stewie Griffin | Victory is mine! |
| Lois Griffin | Yes. And this cake is yours, too. |
| Lois Griffin | Stewie, make a wish. If you blow out the candle, it'll come true. |
| Peter Griffin | That's right, little buddy. What do you want most in the whole world? |
| Stewie Griffin | In the whole world, you say? |
| [Bombs whistling] |
| [Troops marching] |
| [Bombs exploding] |
| Stewie Griffin | What the hell. |
| [Disco music playing] |
| [Theme music] |