| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| [Sweet instrumental music] |
| Barbara | Hi, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | [Hyperventilating] |
| Chris Griffin | Hi, Barbara. |
| Barbara | I'm having a birthday party next week. I was hoping you could come. |
| Chris Griffin | Oh, no! Someone peed in my pants! |
| Barbara | You're funny. Well, I hope you can make it. |
| [Crickets chirping] |
| Lois Griffin | Your friend's birthday party sounds like fun, Chris. |
| Peter Griffin | I hope for your sake, the cake's better than the last party I went to. |
| Stripper | [Screaming] |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, God! Coconut! |
| Chris Griffin | I want to get Barbara a really nice gift. |
| Chris Griffin | What kind of gifts have boys gotten for you, Meg? |
| Meg Griffin | My boyfriend, Prince William, got me this beautiful watch and this diamond tiara, and this wonderful scepter. |
| Meg Griffin | [Manic laughter] |
| Meg Griffin | [Sobbing] |
| Stewie Griffin | She needs to get laid big-time. |
| Peter Griffin | Listen, Chris, I read a book saying that women are from Venus. |
| Peter Griffin | Here's what you get her. Thick layers of sulfuric acid, viscous surface rock and coronae which seem to be collapsed domes over large magma chambers. |
| Peter Griffin | Here's $5. |
| Chris Griffin | That's okay, Dad. |
| Chris Griffin | I was thinking about getting a paper route, so I could pay for Barbara's gift myself. |
| Lois Griffin | I think that's very sweet, honey. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, boy! I remember my first job. I was in a folk-music trio. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, how about "Here's to you, Mrs. Fleckenstein"? |
| Band Member | You've been pitching that for an hour. It's just not a very attractive name. |
| Peter Griffin | Fine. |
| Peter Griffin | I suppose we're also not going with "parsley, sage, rosemary, and Lowrey's Seasoning Salt." |
| Peter Griffin | That's it. I'm going to 'Nam. |
| Old Man | Hey there, young fella. Bringing me good news today? |
| Chris Griffin | What? |
| Old Man | Come on over here, son. |
| Old Man | Hand me the paper, so I don't need to use my grabber. |
| Old Man | That's a nice muscly throwing arm you got there. |
| Chris Griffin | Thanks. |
| Old Man | Got a nice tip for you right here in my pocket. |
| Old Man | But my arthritis... |
| Old Man | Why don't you reach in there and fish it out for yourself? |
| Chris Griffin | That's okay, mister. |
| Chris Griffin | I don't collect until the end of the month. I'll see you tomorrow. |
| Chris Griffin | Weird. |
| [Pop music playing] |
| Chris Griffin | I hope you like it. |
| Barbara | Wow, perfume! That is so sweet. |
| Chris Griffin | It'll make you smell like Elizabeth Taylor. |
| Chris Griffin | I guess that means you'll smell like bourbon and Vicodin. |
| Barbara | That's very thoughtful. |
| Chris Griffin | Can I spray some on you? |
| Barbara | Oh, my eyes! |
| Chris Griffin | They're beautiful! |
| Barbara | Just get away from me, Chris! |
| Chris Griffin | I'm so awkward! |
| Old Man | Hey, muscly arm, why the long face? |
| Chris Griffin | It's this girl. I can't talk to her. |
| Chris Griffin | It's like girls are a different species or something. |
| Old Man | Who needs them? You like Popsicles? |
| Chris Griffin | Well, sure. |
| Old Man | Then you need to come on down to the cellar. |
| Old Man | I got a whole freezer full of Popsicles. |
| Chris Griffin | No, thanks. I gotta get going. |
| Old Man | Don't make me beg, now. |
| Chris Griffin | You're funny. Bye. |
| Old Man | Get your fat ass back here. |
| Robber | This is a holdup! Open the register! |
| Clerk | I can't! It only opens when you make a sale! |
| Robber | Then give me one of them horoscope scrolls and some Skittles! |
| Robber | "Financial transaction benefits you today." |
| Clerk | Weird! |
| [Suspenseful instrumental music] |
| [Sirens wailing] |
| Robber | All right, a bike! I'm out of here! |
| Cop | Your parents are on their way. |
| Cop | But since time is a factor here, we'd like to get a positive ID as quickly as possible. |
| Chris Griffin | Are you sure he can't see me? |
| Cop | Absolutely, Chris. You're 100 percent safe. |
| Chris Griffin | Okay, that's him. Number six. |
| Peter Griffin | Hi. Excuse me, you guys. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm here to pick up my son, Chris Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | He's here to finger the guy who held up the convenience store. |
| Peter Griffin | Maybe you've seen him. His name is Chris Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | I think I got a picture of him. Here you go. |
| Peter Griffin | You can hang on to that. I got a ton of them at home. |
| Peter Griffin | I was gonna throw that one out, 'cause Chris messed it up by writing his school schedule and a list of his fears all over the back. |
| Lois Griffin | We're so proud of you, Chris, for helping to put that horrible man in jail. |
| Peter Griffin | You couldn't have said it was Celine Dion? |
| Peter Griffin | Our one chance to put that showboating Canadian wench behind bars and you blow it. |
| Announcer | ANNOUNCER: We now return to the E! True Hollywood Story. |
| Announcer | Alf. |
| Alf | By the third season, I was completely wasted all the time. |
| Alf | I had lost all control of my bodily functions. |
| Alf | They had to cut the crap out of my fur before each taping. |
| Alf | But would I do it all again? |
| Tom Tucker | TOM: We interrupt this program for a breaking story. |
| Tom Tucker | We now go live to the Rhode Island State Penitentiary, where Asian reporter Trisha Takanawa is standing by. Trisha? |
| Trishia Takanawa | I'm outside this maximum-security facility where a ruthless thug has engineered a daring escape. |
| Trishia Takanawa | Sir, do you have any plans now that you're out of jail? |
| Robber | Yeah. I'm gonna go bang my girlfriend, and then I'm gonna kill Chris Griffin! |
| Stewie Griffin | Good lord! |
| Stewie Griffin | Can they really say "bang my girlfriend" on TV? |
| Lois Griffin | You want to remove us from the area? |
| FBI Agent | Yes. This criminal will stop at nothing to find your son. |
| FBI Agent | We're placing your family in the witness protection program. |
| Brian Griffin | Is Europe an option? |
| Stewie Griffin | I've always wanted to spend a year in Prague teaching English. |
| Stewie Griffin | Slacking off a bit, but really getting to know myself. |
| FBI Agent | Until we catch this guy, you'll be relocated to the deep South. |
| [AII moaning] |
| Peter Griffin | Deep South? |
| Peter Griffin | Isn't that where the black guys are really lazy and the white guys are just as lazy but are mad at the black guys for being lazy? |
| FBI Agent | We were assigned to live here and watch your house while you're gone. |
| FBI Agent | Even though he's a slovenly liberal, and I'm a fastidious conservative. |
| FBI Agent 2 | I smell a sitcom! |
| FBI Agent | I suggest you start packing immediately. |
| Meg Griffin | I can't believe I have to change schools because of you! |
| Meg Griffin | This is all your fault, Lardo! |
| Peter Griffin | Me? I had nothing to do with it. |
| Meg Griffin | No. I meant Chris! |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, Lardo! |
| Lois Griffin | Look, everybody. Here we are. The town of Bumblescum. |
| [Instrumental Dixie music] |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: This is our house? |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, Meg! |
| Lois Griffin | I bet if we fixed it up a little bit, it could be a piece of crap. |
| [Flies buzzing] |
| Lois Griffin | What's that smell? |
| Peter Griffin | It's either bad meat or good cheese. |
| Peter Griffin | There's a penny underneath that couch. |
| Meg Griffin | Somebody's in the closet! |
| Jeff Foxworthy | You know you're a redneck when your gun rack has a gun rack on it! |
| Stewie Griffin | You suck! |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my! |
| Lois Griffin | Well, it's too hot to cook anyway. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what's the upstairs like? |
| Peter Griffin | There's a crunchberry underneath the fridge. |
| Meg Griffin | Mom, Chris found a jar in the basement! And it has a hand in it! |
| Chris Griffin | I'm gonna plant it and see if a human grows! |
| Peter Griffin | At least the TV gets decent reception. |
| Peter Griffin | Must be some kind of nature show. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Help! Help! Get it off! Get if off! |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Great. We're here five minutes, and Dad gets mauled by a rodent. |
| Meg Griffin | This place is horrible. |
| Lois Griffin | Okay. Now, everybody calm down. |
| Lois Griffin | We don't know anything about this community. |
| Lois Griffin | I bet if we explore the town, we'll each find something about it we like. |
| Peter Griffin | That's a great idea, Lois. I just got to hit the can. |
| Lois Griffin | I think there's just an outhouse, Peter. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Lois, I don't get how this works. |
| Peter Griffin | It's just a hole. I don't think it goes anywhere. |
| Peter Griffin | No, it definitely doesn't go anywhere. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, God! It's everywhere! |
| Peter Griffin | It's in my raccoon wounds! Oh, God! |
| Lois Griffin | Excuse me. Do you have an ATM? |
| Redneck 1 | Over there, ma'am. |
| Redneck Banker | How much you want to take out? |
| Lois Griffin | $40. |
| Redneck Banker | There's a service charge of $1.50. Do y'all accept? |
| Lois Griffin | Yes. |
| Redneck Banker | You smell like the inside of my mama's purse. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you. |
| Musician | [Playing banjo music] |
| Stewie Griffin | What are those dulcet tones? |
| Stewie Griffin | This is the music of the angels! |
| Stewie Griffin | What is that magical device? |
| Musician | Banjo. |
| Musician | Pluck that string. |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh! I feel so deliciously white trash! |
| Stewie Griffin | Mommy, I want a mullet! |
| Peter Griffin | All right, that about does it. |
| Peter Griffin | Isn't she beautiful, Brian? |
| Brian Griffin | The Duke boys would be proud. |
| Peter Griffin | And you got to get in through the window, like this. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay. Now you. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, sorry. I forgot to roll yours down. |
| Peter Griffin | You all right? |
| Peter Griffin | Hello? |
| Peter Griffin | Wake up, sleepyhead. |
| Chris Griffin | Hi. |
| Sam | Hi. |
| Chris Griffin | Are you mad at that pond? |
| Sam | Shoot, no! |
| Sam | Of course, this pond did kill my grandpappy. |
| Sam | He saw his reflection in the water, thought it was him and drowned trying to save himself. |
| Chris Griffin | That's why my mom doesn't let me look in the toilet. |
| Sam | I'm Sam. |
| Chris Griffin | I'm Chris. |
| Sam's Father | Sam, come on in, now. |
| Sam | I gotta go help my daddy bring in the mud harvest. |
| Sam | Nice making your acquaintance, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | Oh, my God! I'm drowning! |
| Radio | RADIO: That was Merle Haggard with I Kissed My Sweetie With My Fist. |
| Radio | Coming up next... |
| Peter Griffin | Here's one. Let's jump that. |
| Peter Griffin | [Yelling triumphantly] |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, that was great! |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, next time let's get Meg to be Boss Hogg and Chris can be Anus. |
| Brian Griffin | Enos. |
| Peter Griffin | What'd I say? |
| Brian Griffin | "Anus." |
| Teacher | All right, class. We have a new student joining us. |
| Teacher | Everyone please welcome Megan Griffin from the North. |
| All | ALL: Wow! |
| Student 1 | What's it like up there? Y'all got them talking pictures? |
| Student 2 | And flying machines? |
| Student 3 | And perfume for your armpits? |
| Meg Griffin | We sure do. |
| Teacher | All right, class. That's enough questions for Megan. |
| Teacher | Time to hand back last week's spelling tests. |
| Teacher | And it looks like Oinky has set the curve again. |
| Student 1 | Oh, dang! |
| Student 2 | That is some smart pig. |
| Student 3 | Good thing I copied off Oinky. |
| Lois Griffin | Possum Surprise. Actually, I made it with Shake-n-Bake. |
| Stewie Griffin | And I helped! |
| Lois Griffin | Kids, where's your father? |
| [Peter and Brian yelling triumphantly] |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what the hell are you doing? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm blending in. Relax. It's not our house. |
| Lois Griffin | I'm glad you're having fun, but we need some money. |
| Lois Griffin | Have you thought about looking for a job? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes, Lois, I have. |
| Peter Griffin | But I've also thought about getting fired from that job. |
| Peter Griffin | Is that something you want to put our family through? |
| Peter Griffin | Think about that while I get myself a drink. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, God! |
| Sam | It's right up here past this clearing. |
| Sam | He's been here about three months now. |
| Chris Griffin | Wow! Where do you think you go when you die? |
| Sam | I learnt at church that if you're good, you go to Heaven. |
| Sam | But if you're bad, you go to a place where the dead believe they're still living and they pray for death, but death won't come. |
| Chris Griffin | UPN? |
| Sam | You're funny. I like you, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | I like you too, Sam. |
| Sam | Want to poke him? |
| Chris Griffin | Do I? |
| Chris Griffin | You know, it's true. The best things in life really are free. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't know. Maybe Lois is right. |
| Peter Griffin | Maybe it is time for me to get a job. |
| Brian Griffin | Too bad you always blow the interview. |
| Employer | Where do you see yourself in five years? |
| Peter Griffin | [Thinking] Don't say, "Doing your wife." |
| Peter Griffin | Doing your son? |
| Peter Griffin | Brian, look at that! |
| Sheriff | Interested? |
| Sheriff | We just take turns being the sheriff. It's real easy. |
| Sheriff | You just hang out here, eat some pie, and get drunk. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait. Hold on a second. "Pie," "drunk," "the"? |
| Peter Griffin | You got yourself a sheriff! |
| Peter Griffin | [Slurring] Boy, it's so quiet around here! |
| Brian Griffin | I know. |
| Peter Griffin | The phone hasn't rang all day. |
| Brian Griffin | I know. There's nothing to... |
| Brian Griffin | [Stuttering] |
| Brian Griffin | [Sighing] |
| Brian Griffin | Oh, boy! What's the word I'm looking for? |
| Brian Griffin | "Do"! |
| Peter Griffin | Brian, you're drunk. You're drunk. |
| Peter Griffin | Give me your keys. |
| Chris Griffin | What is this, Dad? |
| Peter Griffin | A Southern tradition, son. It's a reenactment of the Civil War. |
| Redneck | Robert E. Lee, I knew I'd find you here where they seat the sorry-ass losers! |
| Sam's Father | Ulysses S. Grant, you invite me to lunch then show up an hour late, drunk? |
| Redneck | I was busy looking for your wife to give her the old... |
| Sam's Father | Sir, this means war! |
| Redneck | I am vanquished. |
| Sam's Father | I hereby declare victory in the name of the Confederacy! |
| [Crowd cheering] |
| Peter Griffin | Excuse me. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't think that's how it happened. I'm pretty sure the North won. |
| Sam's Father | What are you saying? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm saying that drunken idiot kicked your sorry asses south of the Donna Dixon line! |
| Sam's Father | We don't take too kindly to that sort of talk. |
| Sam's Father | And I sure as shoot don't want your kid hanging around with my kid. |
| Sam's Father | And if you think I'm mad now, you got to answer to them Civil War survivors! |
| Old Redneck | Yeah. That's right. |
| Brian Griffin | Wait! Look over there! |
| Brian Griffin | It's a newly-married, interracial gay couple burning the American flag! |
| [AII gasping] |
| Old Redneck | Get 'em! |
| [Crowd shouting] |
| Chris Griffin | I guess we can't hang out anymore. |
| Sam | I guess not. |
| Chris Griffin | That sucks! |
| Chris Griffin | 'Cause I really like spending time with you. |
| Sam | Me, too. |
| Chris Griffin | [Muffled protests] |
| Chris Griffin | What are you doing? |
| [Instrumental Dixie music] |
| Uncle Jesse | Them Griffin boys better grow some wings or start flapping their arms. |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Old Redneck | Lost 'em! |
| Old Redneck | Dag-blasted Lincoln lovers! |
| Old Redneck 2 | Anyone seen my foot? |
| Chris Griffin | CHRIS: "Man, was last night weird! |
| Chris Griffin | "I kissed a boy. But the truth is, I really like him as a friend. |
| Chris Griffin | "His name is Sam." |
| Brian Griffin | You kissed Sam last night? |
| Chris Griffin | How did you know? |
| Brian Griffin | You said it out loud. I could hear you in the other room. |
| Chris Griffin | The weird thing is, kissing Sam kind of felt right. |
| Chris Griffin | But I don't know if I can face him again. Brian, what should I do? |
| Chris Griffin | I haven't been this confused since the end of No Way Out! |
| Chris Griffin | How does Kevin Costner keep getting work? |
| FBI Agent 1 | How do I shoot? How do I shoot? |
| FBI Agent 2 | Press B! B button! |
| [Knocking] |
| Robber | Telegram for Chris Griffin. |
| FBI Agent 2 | He's not here. |
| Robber | Where is he? |
| FBI Agent 2 | I can't release that information. |
| Robber | Did I say Chris? I meant Chris's sister. |
| FBI Agent 2 | If it's for Meg, that's a whole other story. Here's her address. |
| FBI Agent 2 | What are you doing? |
| FBI Agent 1 | You were busy, so I played your guy. |
| FBI Agent 2 | I didn't want to play anyway! |
| FBI Agent 1 | Then it worked out! |
| FBI Agent 2 | I'll draw boobs on the Etch-A-Sketch! |
| FBI Agent 1 | They always come out square! |
| Sam | Hi, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | Hey. |
| Chris Griffin | Listen, Sam. |
| Chris Griffin | I like hanging out with you and all. |
| Chris Griffin | It's just that I don't want a romantic relationship. |
| Chris Griffin | I'd like it if we could still be friends. |
| Sam | I'd like that, too. |
| Sam | Want to go for a swim? |
| Chris Griffin | Sure. |
| Chris Griffin | You're a girl? |
| Sam | Of course I am! |
| Chris Griffin | Oh, my God! |
| Stewie Griffin | [Tuning banjo] |
| Stewie Griffin | Warm out today. |
| Stewie Griffin | Warm yesterday. |
| Stewie Griffin | Even warmer today. |
| [Lively Dixie music] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Singing] "Met her on my CB, said her name was Venie |
| Stewie Griffin | "Sounded like an angel come to earth |
| Rednecks | "Come to earth |
| Stewie Griffin | "When I went to meet her, man, you should have seen her |
| Stewie Griffin | "Twice as tall as me, three times the girth |
| Rednecks | "Girth |
| Stewie Griffin | "My fat baby loves to eat |
| Rednecks | "Loves to eat |
| Stewie Griffin | "A big ol' Buddha belly and her breasts swing past her feet |
| Stewie Griffin | "My fat baby loves to eat |
| Stewie Griffin | "My big ol', fat-ass baby loves to eat" |
| Stewie Griffin | I got blisters on my fingers! |
| Peter Griffin | A drop more of the shine, my dear? |
| Lois Griffin | Yes, please. |
| Peter Griffin | You know, the kids are gonna be at that town social for a while. |
| Lois Griffin | I think I know where you're going. |
| [Both laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Oh, God! |
| [Phone rings] |
| Lois Griffin | Hello? |
| FBI Agent | Hello, Mrs. Griffin? |
| FBI Agent | Yeah. Shut up. You guys, shut up. |
| FBI Agent | Hi. This is the FBI calling from your house. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Oh, God! |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, hi. How is everything? |
| FBI Agent | Good, good. Real good. |
| FBI Agent | Listen, promise you won't be mad and it's probably nothing, but you know that criminal who's after your son? |
| FBI Agent | He might know where you guys are. |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, that criminal is on his way here to kill Chris! |
| Lois Griffin | We gotta call the sheriff! |
| Peter Griffin | Holy crap! I'm on it, Lois! |
| Peter Griffin | Sheriff's Office. |
| Peter Griffin | Yes, hello. This is Peter Griffin. |
| Peter Griffin | I want to report a dangerous criminal who may be coming to town. |
| Peter Griffin | Could you repeat your name? |
| Peter Griffin | It's Peter Griffin. G-R-l-F-F-l-N. |
| Lois Griffin | Wait a minute. You're the sheriff? |
| Peter Griffin | Hang on. I'm on the phone. |
| Peter Griffin | Who's that? My wife. |
| Lois Griffin | Chris is in danger! Do something! Round up a posse! |
| Peter Griffin | I kind of pissed off the whole town at that Civil War reenactment. |
| Lois Griffin | What are we gonna do? |
| Peter Griffin | I don't know, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | But I feel lower than a bow-legged caterpillar. |
| ? | [Chuckling] |
| ? | Now here's Roy! |
| [Lively country music playing] |
| Redneck 1 | Sure is a ding-dang of a hoedown. |
| Redneck 2 | This here's a hootenanny. |
| Redneck 1 | Hoedown! |
| Redneck 2 | Hootenanny! |
| Redneck1 | Hoedown! |
| Stewie Griffin | Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. |
| Stewie Griffin | And to the owner of a John Deere tractor, you're parked on top of a pig. |
| Stewie Griffin | John Deere tractor on top of a pig. |
| Chris Griffin | Sam, can I talk to you? |
| Sam | Sure. But why aren't you looking at me? |
| Chris Griffin | That's the thing. |
| Chris Griffin | I'm no good at talking to girls. That's why I ran away from you. |
| Sam | You didn't have trouble talking to me when you thought I was a boy. |
| Chris Griffin | Yeah, that's true. |
| Sam | Just pretend I'm a boy. |
| Chris Griffin | Okay. |
| Sam | You want to go down to the old town bridge and make out? |
| Chris Griffin | Yes, sir! |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: And in the city, glasses are considered really sexy. |
| Boy | Dang! I hope her brother don't already have dibs on her. |
| Peter Griffin | Where's Chris? That criminal's here and he's after him. |
| Meg Griffin | He's down by the old town bridge. |
| Meg Griffin | You know, my brother is the one he's here to kill! |
| Girl | My daughter would absolutely love you. |
| [Sweet instrumental music] |
| Sam | You're so cute. You're like a skinny Garth Brooks. |
| Chris Griffin | [Exclaiming] |
| Robber | I got you now, Griffin! |
| Peter Griffin | Not so fast, buddy! |
| Robber | Who are you? |
| Peter Griffin | You can call me Officer T.J. Hooker! |
| Peter Griffin | Sheriff Officer T.J. Hooker! And this is my deputy, McMillan and Wife. |
| Robber | Well, I hated T.J. Hooker! |
| Robber | And I never actually saw McMillan and Wife! |
| Robber | Although I was aware of it! Anyway, you're dead! |
| Robber | You're mine now, fella! |
| Chris Griffin | [Screaming] |
| Chris Griffin | Dad! Help! |
| Sam's Father | You folks all right? |
| Peter Griffin | Wow! You guys saved our lives. |
| Peter Griffin | After I said that all Southern people have bad teeth and suffer from the gum disease known as gingivitis. |
| Sam's Father | We take care of our own. |
| Sam's Father | And as long as y'all live here, y'all are Southerners, too. |
| Peter Griffin | Wow, thanks! |
| Sam's Father | It's our pleasure. |
| Chris Griffin | Sam, I'll see you at home. |
| Peter Griffin | I think the lesson here is it doesn't matter where you're from, as long as we're all the same religion. |
| Teacher | It was great having you in class, Meg. |
| Meg Griffin | Thanks. |
| Meg Griffin | I'm really gonna miss everybody. |
| Student 1 | We didn't have no money for a present. So, we all just spit in a jar. |
| Student 2 | I can't believe you're leaving. |
| Meg Griffin | Me, either. I'll be sure to write. |
| Student 2 | And I'll be sure to learn to read. |
| Chris Griffin | And the next time I see a dead guy I'm gonna poke him twice as hard for both of us. |
| [Sentimental instrumental country music] |
| Lois Griffin | It's so nice to be home. |
| Answering Machine | You have 113 new messages. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my! |
| Old Man | I was just wondering where the newspaper boy was. |
| [Machine beeps] |
| Old Man | Haven't seen a newspaper in a couple days. |
| Old Man | Wonderin' if he ever gonna come back. |
| [Machine beeps] |
| Old Man | Guess who? |
| Old Man | Sorry to leave you so many messages. Just Ionely here. |
| Old Man | Thinkin' about the muscly-armed paperboy. |
| Old Man | Wishin' he'd come by and bring me some good news. |
| [Machine beeps] |
| Old Man | Where are you? |
| Old Man | You're starting to piss me off, you little piggly son of a bitch. |
| Old Man | Call me. |
| [Theme music] |