| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| Peter Griffin | Gosh, some of this stuff, you wonder who would ever need it in bulk. |
| Peter Griffin | I mean, like watermelons. |
| Peter Griffin | Touch |
| Lois Griffin | Brian, will you watch Stewie for a minute? |
| Brian Griffin | Sure. |
| Lois Griffin | And please keep a close eye on him. Remember what happened last time. |
| Brian Griffin | Stewie, get down before you hurt yourself. |
| Stewie Griffin | Shut up! You're not my mother! |
| Brian Griffin | Good God! Are you all right? |
| Stewie Griffin | Fine. Why do you ask? |
| Peter Griffin | Delicious. |
| Peter Griffin | I will seriously consider purchasing this product. |
| Peter 2 | What have we here? May I partake? |
| Peter 2 | [Exclaiming approvingly] |
| Samurai Peter | Sausage-san. Plan to buy great amount for samurai buddies. |
| Clerk | You don't have to keep moving to the back of the line. |
| Clerk | You can have as many as you want. They're free. |
| Samurai Peter | What are you talking about? |
| Peter Griffin | Can I have some more sausage? |
| Peter 2 | Yeah. Me too? |
| Lois Griffin | They got a great deal on pianos if you buy a four-pack. |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, help me get these down. |
| Ross Fishman | MAN: Lois? |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God! I don't believe this. |
| Lois Griffin | Ross Fishman, is that really you? |
| Lois Griffin | I haven't seen you since college. How are you? |
| Ross Fishman | Great, great. Wow, Lois! You haven't aged a bit. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you. |
| Lois Griffin | This 12-pack of fungicide is for my daughter, Meg. |
| Meg Griffin | Help me. |
| [AII laughing] |
| Man 1 | He's funny. |
| Man 2 | That was great. |
| Man 3 | Is it 1981? |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, there you are! You people at the Industrial Adhesives Corporation certainly know how to make a tasty glue. |
| Stewie Griffin | Let the banquet begin! |
| Brian Griffin | What the hell are you doing? Don't eat that. |
| Stewie Griffin | For God's sake! Don't be such a nerd! |
| Brian Griffin | I'm supposed to keep an eye on you. If Lois sees this, she'll kill me. |
| Stewie Griffin | You can let go of my hand now. |
| Brian Griffin | You can let go of mine. |
| [Both grunting] |
| [Panting] |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh... |
| Brian Griffin | Crap! |
| Lois Griffin | Ross, I can't tell you how wonderful it's been to see you. |
| Lois Griffin | It's a crime that it's been so long. We were so close. |
| Ross Fishman | Maybe we could get together for a cup of coffee, catch up. |
| Lois Griffin | I don't know, Ross. I'm married now. |
| Ross Fishman | So am I. |
| Ross Fishman | Does that mean we can't stay in touch with old friends? |
| Ross Fishman | Tell you what. If you change your mind, here's my card. |
| Chris Griffin | Hey, look, Dad! They have 12-packs of kidneys! |
| Peter Griffin | But you got to buy the cooler, too. That's how they get you. |
| Brian Griffin | Okay, thanks. |
| Stewie Griffin | Well? |
| Brian Griffin | The good news is the same company makes a solvent that'll get us unstuck. |
| Brian Griffin | The bad news is it takes two weeks for delivery. |
| Stewie Griffin | You're telling me that we're stuck like this for a bloody fortnight? |
| Brian Griffin | You cannot tell Lois about this. |
| Stewie Griffin | And what if I do? |
| Brian Griffin | I'll show her the pictures of you in her wedding dress. |
| Stewie Griffin | You said there was no film in that camera! |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, Stewie. It's time to change your diaper. |
| Brian Griffin | Mind if I watch? |
| Lois Griffin | And I'm just ashamed of myself that I let Peter's jealousy prevent me from rekindling an old friendship just because it was with a man. |
| Brian Griffin | Peter's not exactly the most understanding guy with you and other men. Like that time at the movies? |
| Hue Grant | [Stuttering] My, this is terribly awkward. |
| Hue Grant | But I wanted to tell you something. |
| Hue Grant | But I don't know. I seem to be so charmingly befuddled. |
| Lois Griffin | That Hugh Grant is so handsome. |
| Peter Griffin | Is that how it is? |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Come here, you home-wrecking bastard! |
| Chris Griffin | Don't do it, Dad! He's bigger than you! |
| Brian Griffin | And when you went to that concert? |
| Singer | Thank you. Thank you very much. This next one is for all the ladies out there. |
| [Women screaming] |
| Brian Griffin | And then there was last Saturday night. |
| Lois Griffin | Look at that handsome man. |
| Peter Griffin | You son of a bitch! |
| Lois Griffin | I can't let Peter's irrational emotions run my life! |
| Lois Griffin | I'll call Ross and see if it's not too late to take him up on his offer. |
| Lois Griffin | Would you mind finishing up? |
| Brian Griffin | Sure. |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, do you like cleaning my doodie, Brian? Say it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Say, "I like cleaning your doodie, Stewie." |
| Stewie Griffin | Ha! Don't forget the taint. |
| [Funky music on TV] |
| Burt Reynolds | TC, you fly the chopper around the island. I'll go talk to the beautiful women. |
| Burt Reynolds | And Tattoo here will keep an eye out for the kidnappers. |
| Higgins | Higgins. |
| Burt Reynolds | Have security unlock the gate for me out front. |
| Burt Reynolds | Okay, Tattoo? |
| Higgins | It's Higgins. |
| Burt Reynolds | What? |
| Higgins | The name is Higgins. |
| Burt Reynolds | What's your name? |
| Higgins | Tattoo! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I'm just gonna go out for a few hours. |
| Lois Griffin | So, I'll return in a few hours. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, I'll do it when this is over. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois, can you grab me a beer? Lois? |
| Chris Griffin | Dad, I think she went out. |
| Peter Griffin | All right. Then you be Lois. |
| Chris Griffin | Okay. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois, can you grab me a... |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! You've really let yourself go! |
| Chris Griffin | Maybe if you bought me some nice clothes once in a while! |
| [Siren wailing] |
| Joe Swanson | JOE: Griffin, we know you're in there! Come out with your hands up! |
| Joe Swanson | Fooled you! |
| [AII laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah, you sure did. What the hell is this? |
| Joe Swanson | It's the new police surveillance van. |
| Joe Swanson | We're going on a beer run. Want to join us? |
| Peter Griffin | Nah, I quit drinking. I think I might be an alcoholic. |
| Cleveland | What? |
| Quagmire | Oh, my God! |
| Joanie | Oh, man! |
| Peter Griffin | Fooled you! |
| Peter Griffin | Come on. Let's go drink till we can't feel feelings any more. |
| Joe Swanson | This van has the latest in law-enforcement technology. Watch. |
| Van | VAN: Suspect! Suspect! You have the right to remain silent! |
| Peter Griffin | Sweet. |
| Cleveland | Let me try. |
| Joe Swanson | JOE: Cleveland, don't! |
| Van | VAN: Minority suspect! Minority suspect! |
| Van | Danger, he's got a gun! |
| Cleveland | [Cleveland shouting] |
| Quagmire | QUAGMIRE: The van's gone! |
| Joe Swanson | JOE: It's got a cloaking device that disguises it as two homeless guys fighting over a wedge of cheese. |
| Quagmire | Hey, Peter, isn't that Lois over there in that diner? |
| Peter Griffin | What would Lois be doing at a diner? I already ate. |
| Joe Swanson | Take a look. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Oh, my God! That is Lois! Why the hell would she... |
| Peter Griffin | Whoa! I can see your skin cells! |
| Cell 1 | I saw you on the cover of Scientific American. You looked great. |
| Cell 2 | Please! Where my eyes are half-closed? |
| Cell 1 | God! Just take the damn compliment. |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell is Lois doing with another man? |
| Quagmire | Is it possible she's a whore? |
| Quagmire | Just on weekends to help pay for her mom's dialysis? |
| Quagmire | As in my fantasy? You know what? Let's just start over. Hi, I'm Quagmire. |
| Peter Griffin | I wish I knew what she was saying. |
| Joe Swanson | I think I can help. |
| Ross Fishman | Your wife and children are beautiful. |
| Lois Griffin | It's so good to catch up, Ross. I'm glad I called. |
| Ross Fishman | I'm glad you did, too. |
| Ross Fishman | Was your husband okay with you coming here? |
| Lois Griffin | Yes, he turned out to be just fine with it. |
| Joe Swanson | All right. Let's see what we can pick up. |
| Mort Goldman | MORT: Please don't spit in my eggs. Please don't spit in my eggs. |
| Mort Goldman | Thank you for the eggs! God, I hope he didn't spit in my eggs! |
| Waiter | WAITER: Hey, Doug. I just spit in that guy's eggs. |
| Rat | RAT: Our armies are ready. Soon it will be time to leave the sewers and strike back at the humans in the overworld. |
| Ross Fishman | I'm glad we both found someone to make us happy. |
| Lois Griffin | I really enjoy being with you, Ross. I'm having a great time. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! That's who that is. Ross Fishman, Lois's old boyfriend. |
| Joe Swanson | I think we're losing them. |
| Peter Griffin | Wait! I got to hear more! |
| Joe Swanson | Peter, the power's not supposed to go that high! |
| Quagmire | QUAGMIRE: Damn, this itches! I wonder who gave it to me. |
| Quagmire | Probably that skank who needed a ride to the gas station! |
| Quagmire | Last time I do somebody a favor! |
| Quagmire | Oh, God! They must have heard me! Oh, God! I can hear me! |
| Quagmire | [Quagmire singing] |
| [Moist noises] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Exclaiming] |
| Stewie Griffin | What the hell do you think you're doing? |
| Brian Griffin | I'm cleaning myself. |
| Stewie Griffin | You were clean 15 minutes ago, now you're just on vacation. |
| Peter Griffin | So, Lois is seeing old boyfriends, huh? |
| Peter Griffin | Two can play at that game. I just gotta find my little black book. |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Peter Griffin | Here it is. |
| Peter Griffin | Brenda? |
| Brenda | Peter! Oh, my God! It's been 25 years! |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. I guess you're married now, huh? |
| Brenda | Yeah. |
| Brenda | Ricky, you were right! I was pregnant! |
| Brenda | What's up, Pete? Long time no see. |
| Peter Griffin | Gosh, Patty! The years have been great to you. |
| Patty | I owe that to my better half. |
| Marcy | Who is it, sir? |
| Peter Griffin | Angie? |
| Angie | Peter? Oh, my God! Come in! |
| Angie | [Eerie instrumental music] |
| Peter Griffin | What is all this stuff? |
| Angie | Peter, I have been waiting for this moment for 25 years! |
| Angie | I haven't washed my hand since you last touched it. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! That's disgusting! |
| Angie | And look! Look! |
| Angie | I left the toilet just as it was the night we went to prom. |
| Angie | It's the little piece of you that's kept your memory alive. |
| Angie | But now I have you back... |
| Angie | Oh, well. At least I still have you. |
| Angie | You hungry? |
| [Siren wailing] |
| Brian Griffin | Oh, crap! |
| Brian Griffin | All right. Let me handle this. |
| Cop | You were going 65, fella. That's 10 miles over the... |
| Cop | Why are you holding that infant's hand? |
| Stewie Griffin | We met on the Internet. |
| Brian Griffin | Shut up! |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, he lured me down to the park with promises of candy and funny stories. |
| Brian Griffin | Officer, you ever hear of that super industrial adhesive? |
| Cop | Actually, yes, we have. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, how come you keep looking at the door? |
| Peter Griffin | Meg. You and your drugs. |
| [Doorbell rings] |
| Peter Griffin | I wonder who that could be. |
| Hooker | Peter Gifford? |
| Peter Griffin | My God! Dora, my old girlfriend. |
| Peter Griffin | What a surprise that you would want to look me up! |
| Peter Griffin | You always thought I was so handsome. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, can I see you in the other room? |
| Brian Griffin | Yeah, go. Say it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Should I? |
| Brian Griffin | Yeah. |
| Stewie Griffin | I can't. |
| Brian Griffin | Just say it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Okay. |
| Stewie Griffin | How far can you get this banana... |
| Stewie Griffin | I can't say it. She's looking at me. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what the hell is this about? |
| Peter Griffin | I'll tell you what it's about. It's about you and Ross Fishman! |
| Lois Griffin | What? |
| Peter Griffin | I saw you with him the other day breaking the fifth commandment! |
| Peter Griffin | Congress passes these things for a reason, Lois! |
| Lois Griffin | That's it! Peter, you're suffocating me with your jealousy. |
| Lois Griffin | I can't take it anymore. I'm calling a marriage counselor. |
| Lois Griffin | I can't even have coffee with a friend without you freaking out! |
| Lois Griffin | What is your problem? |
| Peter Griffin | You want to know what my problem is? |
| Peter Griffin | You want to know what my problem is? I love too much! |
| Lois Griffin | What are you talking about? |
| Peter Griffin | Don't you see, Lois? We're alive! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, you're scaring me! |
| Peter Griffin | Good! Embrace the fear! Dance with me, Lois! |
| Peter Griffin | Dance the dance of life! |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Maybe you should call that marriage counselor. |
| Marriage Counselor | Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, I have reviewed your situation and I have a suggestion. |
| Lois Griffin | We're willing to do whatever it takes. |
| Marriage Counselor | I'd like to put video cameras in every room of your house so that I can observe your uncensored behavior. |
| Peter Griffin | Wow! Just like that show, Big Brother. Except somebody'll be watching. |
| Marriage Counselor | All right. I've looked through the footage. |
| Marriage Counselor | I've compiled what I believe to be an accurate cross-section of your home life. |
| Marriage Counselor | Here are the results. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, give Chris a spanking. |
| Peter Griffin | Okay. |
| Peter Griffin | Chris, I'm watching the game. You know what to do. |
| Chris Griffin | [Shouting] |
| Chris Griffin | "This hurts me more than it hurts you." |
| Peter Griffin | "Dear Diary, Kevin is so hot. |
| Peter Griffin | "Today he was out in the yard raking leaves. |
| Peter Griffin | "God, I wish he'd throw me into that pile of leaves!" |
| [AII laughing] |
| Meg Griffin | Hey, what's everybody... Oh, my God! My diary! I hate you all! |
| Meg Griffin | [Meg wailing] |
| Peter Griffin | Keep going. |
| Peter Griffin | No. It's step-hip-step-pivot. Are you trying to piss off the volcano? |
| Stewie Griffin | Get my back, would you? |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, that's it. |
| Stewie Griffin | That feels good. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Lois, can you give me a hand with this jar? |
| Lois Griffin | For heaven's sake, Peter! |
| Lois Griffin | [Lois screaming] |
| Peter Griffin | Gotcha! |
| Marriage Counselor | To be honest, I've never seen such dysfunction. |
| Marriage Counselor | Mr. And Mrs. Griffin, what I'm about to suggest may seem unorthodox. |
| Marriage Counselor | I recommend a trial separation, during which time I advise that you date other people. |
| Marriage Counselor | This will help you gather perspective on your marriage. |
| Lois Griffin | Date other people? |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! |
| Marriage Counselor | I realize this is very upsetting for you. |
| Marriage Counselor | That's why I've invited Howie Mandell to lighten the mood by blowing up a surgical glove with his nose. |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Boy, this feels really weird, Lois. |
| Lois Griffin | I know. But maybe the doctor's right. This time apart could be good for us. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't know, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Splitting up didn't work too well for Pac Man and his wife. |
| Ghost 1 | Come on, buddy. Forget about her. |
| Ghost 2 | Yeah. You're too good for her anyway. |
| Ghost 3 | Cheer up, man. |
| Ghost 2 | Hey! You want to eat us? Huh? |
| Ghost 2 | What? We're turning blue! |
| Ghost 1 | We've got nowhere to run. |
| Ghost 3 | He's still got us. |
| Ghost 2 | Oh, my God! He's gonna get us! |
| Ghost 1 | Yeah, he's not budging. Come on. Let's go to Q*Bert's. |
| Peter Griffin | I really appreciate you putting me up, Cleveland. |
| Cleveland | Our house is your house, Peter. |
| Cleveland | I'd sit here and chat with you, but I need to get back upstairs to Loretta because it's our anniversary and the gettin's good. |
| Cleveland | [Cleveland yelling in pain] |
| [Loud banging] |
| Cleveland | CLEVELAND: When is it gonna be my turn? |
| Cleveland | [Cleveland yelling in pain] |
| Muriel Goldman | You are welcome to stay with us as long as you like. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks, Muriel. |
| Peter Griffin | What do you guys do for fun around here? |
| Mort Goldman | We like to watch old movies while listening to Hotel California to see if it synchs up in a significant way. |
| Mort Goldman | And so far, no. Nothing has. |
| [Phone rings] |
| Lois Griffin | Hello? |
| Quagmire | Hey, Lois. Is Peter there? |
| Lois Griffin | Hi, Quagmire. No, Peter's not home. |
| Lois Griffin | We're having some minor marital problems. |
| Lois Griffin | Our therapist has advised us to date other people. |
| Quagmire | Lois, you want to go out? |
| Lois Griffin | What? I don't know, Glen. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter and I just separated. I feel like I need more time. |
| Quagmire | How about now? |
| Lois Griffin | We are supposed to see other people. |
| Lois Griffin | I guess it's better to go out with you than some sex pervert. |
| Quagmire | I'm in! |
| Quagmire | [Jabbering excitedly] |
| Stewie Griffin | God blast it! Would you hold it for five seconds? |
| Stewie Griffin | [Panting] |
| Stewie Griffin | Okay. |
| Neil Goldman | So, Mr. Griffin, how does it feel to be a bachelor on the prowl once again? |
| Peter Griffin | It's not as great as you might think. |
| Peter Griffin | I just don't have the same way with women that I used to. |
| Peter Griffin | That was nice. That was nice. |
| Peter Griffin | I had a really great time with you today, beautiful stranger. What's your sign? |
| Peter Griffin | [Laughing] |
| Peter Griffin | Gross. I still think you're neat though. |
| Mort Goldman | You should try a video dating service, Peter. That's how Muriel and I met. |
| Muriel Goldman | Let me show you Mort's tape. He was so charming. |
| Mort Goldman | Oh, my eyes! |
| Mort Goldman | Could you please turn down that very bright light? |
| Mort Goldman | It's burning my retinas. |
| Mort Goldman | Ladies, I'm a very desperate man. |
| Mort Goldman | My name is Mort and I live with my mother. |
| Mort Goldman | And I have very low standards. |
| Mort Goldman | Oh, God! There's blood in my mucus! |
| [Fly buzzing] |
| Stewie Griffin | What the hell is wrong with you? |
| Brian Griffin | Hey, there's the mail! Finally. |
| Brian Griffin | It says it takes an hour for this solvent to take effect. |
| Brian Griffin | Let's see. What takes an hour? |
| Stewie Griffin | We could watch Rita Rudner do five minutes of stand-up. |
| Quagmire | Oh, boy! We're gonna have a swell time tonight, Lois. |
| Lois Griffin | Thank you for being such a good friend and looking after me like this. |
| Quagmire | No problem. It's chilly out, so I brought you a jacket. |
| Lois Griffin | No, thanks. I'll be fine. |
| Quagmire | Please? |
| Mort Goldman | Peter, Muriel and I both feel that you need to follow your therapist's advice and start dating. |
| Peter Griffin | Jeez, Mort! I don't know if I'm ready. |
| Neil Goldman | Come on, stud. |
| Muriel Goldman | We've got it all set up for you to go out with our niece. |
| Muriel Goldman | Honey, come on out here and meet Peter Griffin. |
| Mort Goldman | Peter, this is our niece, Jennifer Love Hewitt. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | Nice to meet you. |
| Peter Griffin | All right, I'm getting up. |
| Peter Griffin | Hi. Peter Griffin. Where do you want to go? |
| Peter Griffin | Anywhere except the disco. They don't let me in anymore. |
| [Disco music playing] |
| Peter Griffin | Crappy Mexicans and your glass candy! |
| Brian Griffin | What's going on? |
| Woman | There's a little girl down in that well. |
| Brian Griffin | Oh, my God! |
| Woman | Nobody's arms are long enough to reach her. |
| Woman | Except that one guy. |
| Woman | But he's helping that woman tickle a midget in a tree. |
| Midget | Stop it! |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, God! You want to rescue her, don't you? |
| Stewie Griffin | It's times like this I wish they'd used me for stem-cell research. |
| Girl | Help me! |
| Stewie Griffin | It rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. |
| Brian Griffin | All right, I'm gonna lower you in. |
| Stewie Griffin | I just noticed. How often do you see a 17th century well in this day and age? |
| Brian Griffin | Hurry up! The glue's wearing off! |
| Stewie Griffin | All right! All right! |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Stewie Griffin | We did it. |
| Brian Griffin | Job well done. |
| Brian Griffin | We're not stuck together. |
| Stewie Griffin | Thank God! |
| Brian Griffin | You said it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Want to hold hands on the walk home? |
| Brian Griffin | Yeah, sure. |
| Mother | Oh, Susie! Thank God you're all right! Wait a minute. This isn't my little girl. |
| Midget | That was my wife! |
| [Little people giggling] |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | I Know What You Did Last Summer? |
| Peter Griffin | Never heard of it. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | The Devil and Daniel Webster? |
| Peter Griffin | Nope. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | Party of Five? |
| Peter Griffin | Was that a porno? |
| Peter Griffin | Don't worry. You gotta do a lot of crap before they put you in anything decent. |
| Peter Griffin | The food here is fantastic. |
| Peter Griffin | This is where I took Lois on our first date. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | You ordered a pie for an appetizer? |
| Peter Griffin | Don't worry. I'll go to the john and fire one out in five minutes. |
| Peter Griffin | That should make room for dinner. |
| Waiter | Here's your table, Mr. Quagmire. |
| Quagmire | Thanks. |
| Quagmire | How about a couple of drinks? |
| Waiter | Certainly, sir. |
| Waiter | Martini for you and the usual roofie colada for your date? |
| Quagmire | No. I wouldn't bring... A glass of wine. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my God! That's Jennifer Love Hewitt! |
| Lois Griffin | Wow! I wonder who she's here with? She could date any man she wanted to. |
| Peter Griffin | There. Made lots of room. Hey, waiter. |
| Peter Griffin | That sign in the bathroom about washing your hands... |
| Peter Griffin | That's only for the staff, right? |
| Waiter | Technically, yes. |
| Peter Griffin | That's what I thought. Great. Oh, man! These all look good, every one of them. |
| Peter Griffin | You want some bread? |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | No! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, is that you? |
| Quagmire | Peter? Oh, no! I can't let him see me! |
| Lois Griffin | It's okay, Quagmire. We're just doing what the therapist said we should do. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I think it's great you're out with Jennifer Love Hewitt. |
| Lois Griffin | Hi. I loved you in Heartbreakers. You be on your best behavior. |
| Peter Griffin | Here you go, sweetheart. Open up. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | No! |
| Peter Griffin | There you go. Isn't this romantic? |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | That's it! |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | You have got to be the most vile, disgusting human being I've ever met! |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | And I have never been more turned on in my life. |
| Lois Griffin | Hold on, toots! I don't care what our therapist says. |
| Lois Griffin | I won't stand by and watch my husband lock lips with another woman! |
| Lois Griffin | Now, beat it! |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | What's your problem, Grandma? |
| Lois Griffin | You are! And I only saw Heartbreakers on a plane! |
| Lois Griffin | And the flight was delayed, so the headphones were free! |
| Peter Griffin | Wow! That was pretty cool, Lois. |
| Lois Griffin | Gosh! I guess I finally understand... |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | [Jennifer Love Hewitt screaming] |
| Lois Griffin | Yeah, you better run, you little bitch! |
| Lois Griffin | I guess I finally understand how you can get so jealous sometimes. |
| Lois Griffin | Seeing her kiss you like that just made me crazy. |
| Lois Griffin | I guess we're just gonna have to learn to control our jealousy together. |
| Peter Griffin | Together. |
| Waiter | Ma'am, you dropped your napkin. |
| Waitress | Here's your drink, sir. |
| Lois Griffin | We'll work on it later. |
| Peter Griffin | I love you, Lois. |
| Lois Griffin | I love you, too, Peter. |
| Jennifer Love Hewitt | What a couple of freaks! God, I need a drink! |
| Quagmire | Waiter! Martini and a roofie colada! |
| [Theme music] |