| Lois Griffin | [Singing] "It seems today that all you see |
| Lois Griffin | "is violence in movies and sex on TV |
| Peter Griffin | "But where are those good, old-fashioned values |
| Peter Griffin | "on which we used to rely? |
| All | "Lucky there's a family guy |
| All | "Lucky there's a man who'll positively tell you |
| All | "all the things that make us |
| Stewie Griffin | "laugh 'n' cry |
| All | "He's a family guy" |
| Brian Griffin | Thanks for coming, Lois. |
| Brian Griffin | Mark's been trying to get me to see his one-man show for weeks. |
| Lois Griffin | I think it's wonderful you're supporting your old pal. |
| Mark | "Go long, Eddie! Further! |
| Mark | [Playful groaning] |
| Mark | "Life sure was crazy growing up in Brooklyn. |
| Mark | "We had some real characters in my neighborhood, like Frank the Mailman. |
| Mark | "'Hey, Mark, the ants for your ant farm came today! ' |
| Mark | "And my friend Lonny, that knucklehead. 'Yo, Marky, let's play some b-ball.' |
| Mark | "'B-ball.' That's what we called it. |
| Mark | "And my grandma. Boy! Was she something else! |
| Mark | "'Hey, Marky, don't forget to take your cod liver oil."' |
| [Muffled coughing] |
| [Chattering] |
| Brian Griffin | What a piece of self-indulgent crap! All the characters sounded exactly the same. |
| Frank the Mailman | Great show, Mark. |
| Lonny | You really captured me perfectly. |
| Mark's Grandma | Me, too, Marky. You are so talented. |
| Brian Griffin | That was awful. With a little practice, I could act circles around that guy. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, yeah? Well, then put up or shut up. |
| Brian Griffin | "This Thursday, auditions for... |
| Brian Griffin | "...the Quahog School of Performing Arts' upcoming semester." |
| Lois Griffin | You should try out. |
| Brian Griffin | That's not a bad idea, Lois. Okay, ready for the best acting you've seen all night? |
| Brian Griffin | Mark, wow! What a journey! Thank you so much. |
| Brian Griffin | Those three-and-a-half hours just flew by. |
| Peter Griffin | PETER: Santos, Pasquel. You guys have done such good work today I got a surprise for you. Doritos! Not now. Later. |
| Portuguese Workers | [Speaking Portuguese] |
| Dave Campbell | DAVE: Help! Help! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! |
| [Dramatic instrumental music] |
| Dave Campbell | DAVE: Thanks. I was boogie-boarding and got sucked out by the rip tide. |
| Dave Campbell | I thought I was a dead man. |
| Peter Griffin | You got to be starving. Here, eat these. |
| Portuguese Workers | [Speaking Portuguese] |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, my gosh! He was just floating out there by himself? |
| Peter Griffin | Yep. He was so grateful I saved his life he invited us all over for dinner tonight. |
| Lois Griffin | Good. I don't have to cook. |
| Peter Griffin | Cook anyway, and we'll throw it out. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't want you to get rusty. |
| Brian Griffin | My audition's coming up. Would you listen to my monologue? |
| Peter Griffin | Sure, buddy. Let's hear it. |
| Brian Griffin | [Brian breathes deeply] |
| Brian Griffin | "Julie, there's something I gotta tell you..." |
| Peter Griffin | That's awesome! Go on. |
| Brian Griffin | "...tell you. I saw Doctor..." |
| Peter Griffin | Wow! Yes! I love it! |
| Brian Griffin | "...Doctor Philips today. I might not make it to Christmas." |
| Peter Griffin | Drop the bomb. There's not a dry eye in the house. Keep going. |
| Brian Griffin | No, you know what? I'm gonna stop. Maybe we'll work on it later. |
| Peter Griffin | Just so you know, it was good. |
| Peter Griffin | But I was also being pretty generous. |
| [Rings doorbell] |
| Peter Griffin | Well, look at you, you little jaybird. |
| Peter Griffin | You want to tell your mommy and daddy the Griffins are here? |
| Dave Campbell | DAVE: Come on in! |
| Dave Campbell | Welcome, Griffins! |
| Peter Griffin | [Stammering] |
| Lois Griffin | We must be early. |
| Dottie Cambell | DOTTIE: Nonsense. You're right on time. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, my God! She's got hair growing out of her boobs and up to her head! |
| Lois Griffin | You're completely... |
| Dottie Cambell | Nude? Yes. We're nudists. |
| Chris Griffin | Permission to freak out? |
| Lois Griffin | Did you know about this? |
| Peter Griffin | I thought he lost his bathing suit in the ocean. |
| Dottie Cambell | So, you're the man who saved my husband's life. |
| Dottie Cambell | Dottie Campbell. What am I doing? Come here! |
| Peter Griffin | Watch my hands, Lois! See where they are? No touchie! |
| Dave Campbell | This is the back yard. |
| Dave Campbell | Feel that? That's premium blue-tip Bermuda. Real hardy, but soft. |
| Lois Griffin | Good lord! |
| Peter Griffin | Don't look directly into it, Lois. |
| Dottie Cambell | The hot dogs and burgers are ready. Can I get you a beer, Peter? |
| Peter Griffin | What do you got? |
| Dottie Cambell | I've got Busch. |
| Dottie Cambell | And Busch Light. |
| [Door closes] |
| Dave Campbell | Sounds like Jeff's home. |
| Dave Campbell | Hey, sport! How'd you do? |
| Jeff Campbell | I got first place, Dad. |
| Dave Campbell | Way to go, champ! |
| Dave Campbell | Jeff plays varsity tennis for Saint Genevieve High. |
| Meg Griffin | Cool. |
| Jeff Campbell | Is this the biggest thing you've ever seen? |
| Dave Campbell | Don't get too cocky. I had a big one like that when I was your age. |
| Dottie Cambell | You were a showoff yourself, Dave. He brought it out on our first date. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, I'm scared. |
| Peter Griffin | I'll get that. |
| Dave Campbell | Hey! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, God! Dave, sorry! |
| Chris Griffin | Boobies! |
| Lois Griffin | Chris, that's enough. I'm sure glad to be out of there! |
| Peter Griffin | You said it. What those people are doing just ain't natural! |
| Chris Griffin | Boobies! |
| Lois Griffin | Did you hear me, young man? |
| Meg Griffin | I don't know what the big deal was. |
| Meg Griffin | I thought they were nice. |
| Chris Griffin | Boobies! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter? |
| Peter Griffin | Do it. |
| Lois Griffin | Did you have fun at the circus today? |
| Chris Griffin | Elephants are bigger in person. |
| Stewie Griffin | Break a leg up there, Brian. |
| Brian Griffin | Well, you seem awfully enthusiastic. |
| Stewie Griffin | At first I wanted you to fail. |
| Stewie Griffin | But then I realized you'd be out of the house five days a week which means I'd be free to throw some of my sexy parties. |
| [Madcap instrumental music] |
| [AII giggling] |
| Simon | SIMON: Brian Griffin? |
| Stewie Griffin | Good luck, Brian. |
| Brian Griffin | Hi, I'm Brian Griffin. This is from John Waltz's Leaving Wichita. |
| Brian Griffin | "Julie, there's something I gotta tell you. I saw Doctor Philips today. |
| Brian Griffin | "I might not make it to Christmas." |
| Simon | Thank you. Next. |
| Stewie Griffin | Next? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: Hold on, Brian! Stay up there! |
| Stewie Griffin | See here! Brian Griffin is a brilliant actor with talent and passion! |
| Stewie Griffin | You alleged experts obviously didn't notice. Well, I did notice! |
| Stewie Griffin | I saw a man bare his soul up here! His pain ran through my heart like an errant locomotive, but it was wasted on all of you! |
| Simon | [Murmuring] |
| Simon | It looks like we'll have to reconsider. Brian, we want you... |
| Brian Griffin | Yes! |
| Simon | to the school's Rising Star Program. |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, splendid! This calls for a sexy party! |
| [Madcap instrumental music] |
| [AII giggling] |
| Simon | Okay, funcakes, let's do a scene. |
| Simon | Stewie, how about you and... Let's see, one of our veterans. Olivia. |
| Olivia | I'm not doing a scene with him! He's inexperienced! |
| Olivia | He'll drag my whole performance down! |
| Stewie Griffin | Are you serious? Is she serious? |
| Simon | Okay, Stewie. I'll give you a solo exercise. |
| Simon | SIMON: You're gonna do an exercise called "The Life Cycle." Without using words you're gonna act out your entire life from birth to death exactly as I describe it. |
| Simon | Ready? Lie down. |
| Simon | You're being born. Ready, and burst through the placenta! |
| Simon | Now fast-forward. It's your first day of school. You're alone and scared. |
| Simon | But it's all right. It's sloppy-joe day. |
| Simon | Pull it back. |
| Simon | The lady touched the bun and she's not wearing gloves. |
| Simon | Fast-forward. You're a businessman and you manage a lot of people. |
| Simon | Here comes Henderson and he lost the big account. You're mad. |
| Simon | Madder. Madder! Come on. Hot, hot, hot! There it is. You got it. |
| Simon | Fast-forward. You're an old man now. You're on your deathbed. |
| Simon | Your son is there holding your hand. |
| Simon | You tell him you accept his lifestyle and regret humiliating him at his only sister's wedding by calling him as your "other daughter." |
| Simon | And, scene. Okay, any comments? |
| Olivia | You are the weakest link! Good-bye! |
| [Laughter] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Laughs] |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, gosh! That's funny. Do you write your own material? |
| Stewie Griffin | Do you? Because that is so fresh. |
| Stewie Griffin | "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" I've never heard anyone make that joke. |
| Stewie Griffin | You're the first. |
| Stewie Griffin | I've never heard anyone reference that outside the program before. |
| Stewie Griffin | That's what she says on the show, right? "You are the weakest link. Good-bye!" |
| Stewie Griffin | And yet, you've taken that and used it out of context to insult me in this everyday situation. |
| Stewie Griffin | What a clever, smart girl you must be to come up with that joke all by yourself. |
| Stewie Griffin | That's so fresh, too. |
| Stewie Griffin | Any Titanic jokes, as long as we're hitting these phenomena at the height of their popularity? |
| Stewie Griffin | Because I'm here. God, you're so funny. |
| Jeff Campbell | JEFF: Meg? |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Jeff? What are you doing here? |
| Jeff Campbell | They had a sale on Super Soakers! Check it out. |
| Meg Griffin | [Giggling] |
| Jeff Campbell | What the heck? |
| Teen 1 | Nudist! |
| Teen 2 | My dad's a tailor, you jerk! |
| Meg Griffin | Gosh, that's awful! |
| Jeff Campbell | That's all right. I'm used to it. Well, I better go. |
| Meg Griffin | Do you want to do something sometime? |
| Jeff Campbell | Sure. That'd be great. |
| Meg Griffin | Cool. I'll call you later. |
| [Sentimental instrumental music] |
| Old Neighbor | Holy moly! It must be my birthday! |
| Stewie Griffin | [Ineffective blowing] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Farting noise] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Nervous laughter] |
| Stewie Griffin | Thank you. |
| Stewie Griffin | That was, Me Farting by Chopin. |
| Stewie Griffin | Thank you very... |
| Stewie Griffin | Olivia. Beautiful day. |
| Olivia | You're not gonna fart again, are you? |
| Stewie Griffin | I'd love to stay and chat. But you're a total bitch. |
| Teacher | The review's tomorrow. Think all your kids will pass? |
| Simon | I'll tell you who's not gonna pass. |
| Simon | It starts with an "O" and rhymes with "Bolivia." Give up? Olivia. |
| Teacher | Really? |
| Simon | Yes! |
| Simon | Such a little frosty box! She won't work with anybody. |
| Simon | And Stewie Griffin is also on the fence. |
| Simon | If they don't deliver at their quarterly reviews I'll have to kick their cute little bottoms out of here. |
| Olivia | This table is reserved for people with talent. |
| Stewie Griffin | Stow the 'tude, queenie. You and I have a problem. Read it and weep. |
| Olivia | "Doesn't work well with others"? |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes. Mine's no better. I'll spare you the details. |
| Stewie Griffin | Suffice it to say, the phrase "garden variety" appears many times. |
| Olivia | What am I going to do? |
| Stewie Griffin | What are we going to do? Look, our evaluation's tomorrow. |
| Stewie Griffin | You need someone to work with and I need someone to make me look good. |
| Olivia | I don't know. |
| Stewie Griffin | Fine! Refuse my offer. Get booted out of here and wind up like Linda Evans. |
| Intercom | Linda Evans, spill in Aisle 9. Linda Evans, spill in Aisle 9. |
| Meg Griffin | Do you like yours with crust or without? |
| Jeff Campbell | How do you like yours? |
| Meg Griffin | Let's both answer at the same time. One, two, three. |
| Jeff Campbell | Without! |
| Meg Griffin | Without! |
| Jeff Campbell | Holy moly! That's eight things we have in common! |
| Lois Griffin | Kids, we're home. |
| Jeff Campbell | Hello, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin. |
| Meg Griffin | You guys remember Jeff? |
| Peter Griffin | Sure. Lois, I'm gonna borrow your Mace. |
| Peter Griffin | That's better. |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, did any of the neighbors see Jeff come over? |
| Meg Griffin | Mom! Come on, Jeff. Let's go in the other room. |
| Lois Griffin | Meg, no need to get so testes... Testy! Nuts! I mean crap! |
| Meg Griffin | You want to sit down? |
| Peter Griffin | Wait a second! Don't sit down yet! |
| Meg Griffin | Dad, what are you doing? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm keeping the couch fresh. |
| Meg Griffin | Dad! |
| Jeff Campbell | It's okay, Meg. I understand what's going on here. I'm gonna go. |
| Peter Griffin | Just step on these coasters on your way out. There we go. |
| Peter Griffin | Don't step on the hot lava. The carpet is hot lava. |
| Meg Griffin | I can't believe you guys! |
| Peter Griffin | Meg, how could you bring that naked kid into our house? |
| Meg Griffin | Because I like him! He remembers my name! |
| Lois Griffin | I'm sorry but we don't think you should see him anymore. |
| Meg Griffin | [Sobbing] |
| Lois Griffin | I hate the sound of her crying. |
| Peter Griffin | You know what sounds even worse? |
| [Screech of cellophane] |
| Peter Griffin | Listen to that. |
| Peter Griffin | Don't you hate that? That is awful. |
| Peter Griffin | I think it's easier on me 'cause I'm the one making the sound. |
| Simon | Nice effort, Brad. But let's remember our performance hierarchy. |
| Simon | Legitimate theater, musical theater, stand-up, ventriloquism, magic, mime. |
| Simon | All right, next up is Olivia. |
| Simon | Liv, what monologue are you doing for us this time? |
| Olivia | I'm not doing a monologue. I'm doing a piece with Stewie. |
| Simon | A duet. Really? Well, let's see it. |
| Stewie Griffin | Five, six, seven, eight! |
| [Broadway showtune music] |
| Stewie Griffin | "Who's got the greatest gal around? |
| Olivia | "You do! Who's got the sweetest man in town? |
| Stewie Griffin | "You do! |
| Olivia | "Who's got a guy who makes her smile all day?" |
| Stewie Griffin | By the way, I'm not so bad to look at either. |
| Olivia | "Who's got a guy with lots of brains? |
| Stewie Griffin | "You do! Who's got a girl who loves chow mein? |
| Olivia | "You do! |
| Stewie Griffin | "Who's got the greatest love in the world? |
| Olivia | "You do! |
| Stewie Griffin | "And you do |
| Olivia | "Thank goodness I've got you |
| Olivia | "Who's got a guy to tell her jokes? |
| Stewie Griffin | "You do! Who's got a girl to show the folks? |
| Olivia | "You do! |
| Stewie Griffin | "Who's got a girl he'd like to one day undress? |
| Olivia | "Give it a rest I told you not until we're married |
| Stewie Griffin | "Who's got the gal with all the snazz? |
| Olivia | "You do! Who's got the fella with pizzazz? |
| Stewie Griffin | "You do! Who's got the greatest love in the world? |
| Olivia | "You do! |
| Stewie Griffin | "And you do |
| Both | "Thank goodness I've got you" |
| [Applause] |
| Simon | Watch this. Are you watching? |
| Simon | That's for me ever having doubted you. A-plus! |
| Stewie Griffin | And that's for you wearing purple pants with blue socks! |
| Stewie Griffin | [Wincing] |
| Stewie Griffin | I totally called him on it. |
| Simon | Okay, no secrets. I want to share Stewie and Olivia with the world. |
| Lois Griffin | They're awfully young. Is this really a good idea? |
| Olivia's Mother | It's a great idea. I've always dreamed of becoming an actress. |
| Olivia's Mother | That's not why I'm pushing Olivia to do it. |
| Olivia's Mother | Is it suspicious that I said that unprovoked? |
| Lois Griffin | Well, I guess it might be okay. |
| Peter Griffin | Sure, look at Elroy Jetson. He was a child actor and he turned out just fine. |
| Elroy Jetson | Do you know who I am? I'm Elroy Jetson! |
| Bar Manager | Come back when you have some money. Take him home, Bamm-Bamm. |
| Bamm-Bamm | Bamm-bamm! |
| Elroy Jetson | I don't want to go home! Take me to Astro's grave! |
| Olivia | "You do! |
| Stewie Griffin | "And you do |
| Stewie & Olivia | "Thank goodness I've got you" |
| [Applause] |
| [Laughing] |
| Olivia | Do you hear that! They love us! |
| Stewie Griffin | Yes, we're a hit! You were amazing! |
| Olivia | Oh, so were you! |
| Stewie Griffin | It was a good crowd. They didn't even notice that you missed that F-sharp! |
| Olivia | Yes. Well... Beg pardon? |
| Stewie Griffin | The F-sharp, darling. You were just slightly off. |
| Olivia | I'm pretty sure I wasn't! |
| Stewie Griffin | Maybe it was me. |
| Olivia | Must've been you. |
| Stewie Griffin | I was being sarcastic. |
| Olivia | Well, it wasn't me! |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, it wasn't me! |
| Stewie & Olivia | [Singing single notes] |
| Stewie Griffin | "Like this, listen to me" |
| Lois Griffin | Hi, Meg. |
| Lois Griffin | Do you think maybe it was unfair to tell Meg she couldn't see that boy? |
| Peter Griffin | Completely. We totally reamed her. |
| Peter Griffin | Did you see that look in her eyes? She hates you. |
| Stewie & Olivia | [Singing single notes] |
| Simon | Well, there it is, kids. Your first marquee. Meet you inside. |
| Olivia | Pretty exciting. |
| Stewie Griffin | What? The marquee or the other thing? |
| Olivia | What other thing? |
| Stewie Griffin | You know. The sex with Simon. Why else would your name be first? |
| Olivia | It's obvious. Lead with strength. Put your best foot forward, et cetera. |
| Stewie Griffin | So, the sex was good? |
| Olivia | Shut up, you egotistical jerk! |
| Stewie Griffin | You shut up, you sap-bellied strumpet! |
| Olivia | Blimp-headed jackass! |
| Stewie Griffin | Mealy-mouthed crotch pheasant! |
| Stewie & Olivia | "Thank goodness I've got you" |
| Jeff Campbell | [Rings doorbell] |
| Meg Griffin | Jeff? What are you doing here? I'm not supposed to see you. |
| Jeff Campbell | Your parents invited me. |
| Meg Griffin | My parents? But they wouldn't... |
| Lois Griffin | Yes, we would. |
| Meg Griffin | MEG: Oh, my God! What are you doing? |
| Lois Griffin | We were wrong, Meg. If you like Jeff, we should give him a chance. |
| Peter Griffin | Yeah. We wanted him to feel welcome in our home. |
| Chris Griffin | Mom, I need new batteries for my Walkman. |
| Chris Griffin | Why is everybody else naked? |
| Peter Griffin | Yahtzee! I win! Yeah! |
| Peter Griffin | In your face! |
| Meg Griffin | [Screaming] |
| Jeff Campbell | I gotta get going. Thanks, Mr. And Mrs. Griffin. |
| Lois Griffin | Our pleasure, Jeff. |
| Peter Griffin | Nice hanging with you, Jeff. |
| Meg Griffin | I'm sorry about my parents. I hope they didn't embarrass you. |
| Jeff Campbell | Are you kidding? I think they're great! |
| Jeff Campbell | It took a lot of guts for them to do what they did. I'll see you later. |
| [Sentimental instrumental music] |
| Meg Griffin | Thanks, you guys. That was really cool. |
| Quagmire | Peter. Can I borrow your lawnmower? You folks got a towel? |
| Olivia | Would you be a dear and ask Stewie to dance on his own feet tonight? |
| Stewie Griffin | Pardon me, could you provide Olivia with a bucket so she can carry a tune? |
| Simon | People! Stop this craziness! The critic from the Providence Journal is here. |
| Simon | If he gives us a good review, the doors are gonna fly open! |
| Simon | Now, go get 'em, my little sillybillies! |
| Stewie Griffin | Let's just get through this. |
| Olivia | Fine with me. |
| Stewie Griffin | Wait a minute. You're wearing ruby lipstick. |
| Stewie Griffin | You're painted up like some attention-grabbing jezebel! |
| Olivia | You're one to talk! You've been stuffing your diaper since day one! |
| Stewie Griffin | It's where I keep my peppermint Mentos! |
| Stewie Griffin | Just because your breath reeks of rotten Lunchables doesn't mean mine has to. |
| [Oriental instrumental music] |
| Simon | Break it up! |
| Olivia | I don't need this act, and I don't need you! You've done nothing but hold me back! |
| Olivia | I quit! |
| Stewie Griffin | The only thing I've held you back from is failure! |
| Stewie Griffin | Come on, Simon. We don't need that little Bebe No-worth! |
| Simon | I don't know, Stewie. Without Olivia this act is like Fire Island after Labor Day. |
| Simon | Over! |
| Stewie Griffin | Fine! I don't need you! I can manage my own career! |
| Stewie Griffin | [Stammering] |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm quite capable of that. |
| Stewie Griffin | "I've got my top hat and cane and a pocketful of miracles |
| Stewie Griffin | "Pocketful of miracles Pocketful of miracles" |
| [Booing] |
| Man 1 | You suck! |
| Man 2 | Somebody get a hook! |
| Man 3 | This is worse than Seussical! |
| Stewie Griffin | No, wait! I was about to do this thing. |
| [Curtain lowering] |
| Stewie Griffin | "Hello. Didn't notice you there. It's not easy living with my family. |
| Stewie Griffin | "A bunch of characters they are. Like my father: |
| Stewie Griffin | "'Holy crap, Lois! Check out the freakin' log in the toilet!"' |
| Man | Get off the stage! |
| Stewie Griffin | What do you say, Bernie? Two nights at the old rate? |
| Retirement Home Manager | Like I told you before, kid, I can't book you without Olivia. |
| Stewie Griffin | But that's the good news. We're back together. She's right here. |
| Stewie Griffin | Hi, Bernie. Glad to be back. Ask Stewie about his sexy parties. |
| Stewie Griffin | "Ask Stewie about his sexy parties." What were you thinking? |
| Stewie Griffin | I was just trying... |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm not speaking to you. |
| Stewie Griffin | But, Stewie... |
| Stewie Griffin | Shut up! |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: I guess the best advice I got was from Marty Scorsese. |
| Stewie Griffin | I was having a problem understanding why I'd be taking abuse from this lower-ranking officer played by Chris O'Donnell. |
| Stewie Griffin | And he told me, "You don't have to understand it. |
| Stewie Griffin | "Your character does." That always stuck with me. |
| Olivia | OLIVIA: Stewie? |
| Stewie Griffin | STEWIE: What are you doing here? |
| Stewie Griffin | I must be an absolute mess. The studio made me fire my make-up girl. |
| Olivia | I just wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. |
| Olivia | I had heard some things. |
| Stewie Griffin | That it's going great for me? You heard right! |
| Olivia | Glad to hear that. |
| Stewie Griffin | But, hey, you know, if you're not busy what say you and I get the old team back together? |
| Olivia | Actually, I can't. |
| Olivia | I'm on my way to Hollywood. I got this part in a movie... |
| Stewie Griffin | [Stammering] What am I thinking? I'd love to. But I'm booked solid. |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm doing a three-episode guest shot on the Gilmore Girls. |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm playing Rory's motorcycle-driving boyfriend. |
| Stewie Griffin | He's a bad boy at heart, but there's some good in there, Olivia. |
| Stewie Griffin | It comes through, absolutely. |
| Olivia | That's really good to hear, Stewie. Please, take care of yourself. |
| [Sentimental instrumental music] |
| Stewie Griffin | See you on the coast! |
| Limo Driver | So, did you let him have it? |
| Olivia | No. He let himself have it. |
| Brian Griffin | This is it. |
| Brian Griffin | How're you doing, kid? |
| Stewie Griffin | Are you from Wardrobe? |
| Brian Griffin | No, it's me, Brian. |
| Brian Griffin | I brought what you wanted. But they wouldn't let me leave it. So... |
| Stewie Griffin | Hit it once, please. Just once. |
| [Tuning fork vibrating] |
| Stewie Griffin | [Sings note] |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, my God! I was flat. All right, then. Help me up. Let's go home. |
| [Broadway-style theme music] |