| Osama Bin Laden | This is a message to all American infidels. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Prepare to die in a sea of f holy fire. |
| Osama Bin Laden | You will be punished for your decadent ways on the first day of Radaman. |
| Osama Bin Laden | You... |
| ( laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Wait... wait a minute, wait, did I just say... what'd I say, Radaman? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Rama... rada... |
| Osama Bin Laden | Blah, blah, blah, blah. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Ramadan. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Radaman, what is that? |
| Osama Bin Laden | What is Rad... yeah, maybe Dennis Radaman is going to punish you ( laughter ) with his crazy hair. |
| Osama Bin Laden | No? |
| Osama Bin Laden | ( Chuckles ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | osama. |
| Osama Bin Laden | What's that? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Right, right. Yeah, no. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Okay, okay, all right, okay, let's go again. Okay. |
| Osama Bin Laden | This is a message to all amer... |
| Osama Bin Laden | ( laughs ) |
| ( laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | I'm not... I'm not going to be able to do it now. |
| Osama Bin Laden | I'm not gonna... okay, all right, no. |
| Osama Bin Laden | No, I-I got to get all the, I got to get all the laughs out. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Okay, I got to get all the laughs out. |
| Osama Bin Laden | ( Exercises mouth ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Today, sometime. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Okay, all right. |
| ( Laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Stop making that face over there! |
| Osama Bin Laden | What are you doing? |
| Osama Bin Laden | I can't... he makes that face and it makes me laugh. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Okay, you know what? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just turn around. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Turn... turn around. |
| Osama Bin Laden | I don't care where you look. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just look over there, okay. |
| Osama Bin Laden | All right, they're cracking, |
| Osama Bin Laden | They're cracking up over there. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Okay. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Oh, yeah, yeah, look who's snickering over there, Mr. "I can't do a suicide bombing because I'm sick." |
| ( Laughter and mocking ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | He had a, he had a note... |
| Osama Bin Laden | He had a note from his doctor! |
| Osama Bin Laden | He brought a note from his doctor! |
| Osama Bin Laden | It's a suicide bombing! |
| Osama Bin Laden | What are you... okay, all right, okay, all right. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Here we go, here we go, this is, get the, all serious now, okay. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Death to... |
| ( laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | I can't... I can't do it. |
| Osama Bin Laden | I can't do it. I can't... |
| Osama Bin Laden | Oh, come on, now you're just trying to make... |
| Osama Bin Laden | Hey, wait. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Wait, wait, wait. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Look, look, look at... |
| ( laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Rubber chicken, you know? |
| Osama Bin Laden | I should just, I should do, like, the whole tape with this in my hand, you know? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just totally like with the chicken right here, because everyone would be like, "what the hell? What is..." |
| ( laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | ( high-pitched voice ): Death to Americans! |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just let him do it. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Let him do the tape, eh? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Don't blame me, it was the chicken. It was the, he was... |
| Osama Bin Laden | Oh, no, no, no. No, actually, you know what would be better? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Hey, wait, wait, wait. |
| ( Laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just walk out like this, like just, like... |
| Osama Bin Laden | Just come out like this, but just like all serious, like just totally, like completely serious, like... like I don't even know I'm wearing them. |
| ( Laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Like, uh, death... death to America. |
| Osama Bin Laden | What? What? |
| Osama Bin Laden | What are you looking at? |
| Osama Bin Laden | What, do I have some... do I have something on my face? |
| Osama Bin Laden | What? Oh... what? |
| Osama Bin Laden | Right here? What? |
| Osama Bin Laden | What? I'm just wearing my regular glasses. |
| Osama Bin Laden | I always wear these. |
| Osama Bin Laden | What? Hey, it's me in an '80s movie, right? |
| Stewie Griffin | ( Laughter ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Yeah, hey, he got it. He got it, over there, the little guy got it. |
| Osama Bin Laden | Who is that guy? I've never seen him around here before. |
| Stewie Griffin | How's it going, chief? |
| Stewie Griffin | Good day to you, sir. |
| Stewie Griffin | And now, prepare to die. |
| Osama Bin Laden | ( Yells ) |
| ( squeaks ) |
| Osama Bin Laden | Who... who are you? |
| Stewie Griffin | I'm stewed Griffin. |
| Stewie Griffin | And don't ever let me catch you guys in quahog! |
| Stewie Griffin | Whoa...! |
| ( Theme from naked gun plays ) |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, Stewie. Who the hell is that? |
| ( Loud banging ) |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, it's 5:30 in the morning. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, sorry, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | I didn't know you were home. |
| Lois Griffin | What the hell are you doing?! |
| Peter Griffin | I'm laying down the red carpet. The Emmys are on tonight. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, god, don't tell me you forgot about Meg's play tonight. |
| Peter Griffin | But, Lois, Meg sucks! Everything she does is so freakin' terrible and depressing. |
| Peter Griffin | Plus, I went to her first grade play that one time. |
| Meg Griffin | Oh, Robin Hood, the king is keeping me prisoner here in his castle. |
| Actor | Don't worry, maid Marian. I'll save you. |
| Peter Griffin | Boy, you guys are not sucking me into the story at all. |
| Peter Griffin | I'm-I'm just telling you for your own benefit, I'm very aware that I'm watching a play right now. |
| Peter Griffin | Come on, I gotta watch the Emmys. |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, you're going to Meg's play and that's that. |
| Peter Griffin | Is "that that" now, Mrs. "That's that"? |
| Lois Griffin | If you're gonna shoot me, you might want to tie your shoelaces first. |
| Peter Griffin | ( Peter screams ) |
| Lois Griffin | Now are you gonna go to Meg's play or not? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes! |
| Lois Griffin | You like eating red carpet, tough guy? |
| Peter Griffin | Yes! |
| Lois Griffin | Say you like eating red carpet! |
| Peter Griffin | I like eating red carpet! |
| Quagmire | Giggity. |
| Meg Griffin | God, why do you wear those rainbow suspenders? |
| Actor | Well, l could tell you, but I'd rather show you... through interpretive dance. |
| ( '70s guitar music plays ) |
| Stewie Griffin | ( screams ) |
| Brian Griffin | Oh, crying baby, I'll take him out. |
| Peter Griffin | Uh, you know, Lois, if we leave now, we can get home and catch the Emmy for best documentary. |
| Peter Griffin | Um, I hear there's one on vacuuming. |
| Lois Griffin | Really? Well that sounds interesting... wait a minute! You can't fool me that easily. |
| Lois Griffin | You are not watching the Emmys tonight, now shush. |
| Black Guy | Uh, excuse me, I got to go do some black guy stuff. |
| Peter Griffin | Aw! |
| Peter Griffin | Man, this sucks worse than my 16th birthday party. |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks for coming to my birthday party, Jake Ryan. |
| Jake Ryan | Thanks for having me to your birthday party, Peter. |
| Jake Ryan | Make a wish. |
| Peter Griffin | It's already come true. |
| Jake Ryan | Here's your present. |
| Peter Griffin | No, Jake! Not like this! |
| Peter Griffin | ( Peter screams ) |
| Tom Tucker | Our top story, beloved entertainer Bob Hope briefly came back to life today, only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident. |
| Bob Hope | Hey, I'm gonna jump all those trash cans! |
| Tom Tucker | Uh-huh. |
| Diane Simmons | In other news, actor David Hyde-pierce created a major controversy at the Emmys last night when a "trouser malfunction" caused him to expose his testicles. |
| Tom Tucker | Sure, glad I didn't miss the Emmys, Diane. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, that's just great, Lois! |
| Peter Griffin | Thanks to you, I missed a moment of television history. |
| Lois Griffin | Well, now you know how George W. Bush felt when he showed up in Vietnam. |
| George W. Bush | All right, let's do this. Let's kick some ass. |
| Soldier | Uh, george, the war's over. |
| George W. Bush | What? |
| Soldier | Yeah, it's done. |
| George W. Bush | Get out of here! |
| George W. Bush | Are you serious? |
| Soldier | Yeah. |
| George W. Bush | Aw, man, aw, man, I just got your messages and... I-I, aw, I'm sorry. |
| Soldier | George, it's been over for a while. |
| George W. Bush | Really? |
| Soldier | Yeah, it's 1981. |
| George W. Bush | It's, uh... oh, oh, wow. Oh, so I'm way late. Oh, boy. |
| Soldier | Yeah. |
| George W. Bush | Uh, well, you want to do something else? |
| Soldier | I got some blow. |
| George W. Bush | Son of a bitch, took you this long to tell me? Break it out, man! |
| FCC Suit 1 | Gentlemen, we got 20 calls about the David Hyde-pierce incident. |
| FCC Suit 1 | And as you know, one call equals a billion people, which means 20 billion people were offended by this. |
| FCC Suit 1 | Needless to say, something must be done. |
| FCC Suit 2 | Perhaps we should ask the chairman. |
| FCC Suit 1 | Good idea. |
| FCC Suit 1 | Uh, sir, we're wondering what course of action you recommend regarding the Hyde-pierce incident. |
| Cobra Commander | You've got to censor television, you fools! Now, follow my orders! |
| Announcer | And now, stay tuned for three's company. |
| Jack, are you out there? |
| I want to show you my new bikini! |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell? |
| Peter Griffin | Why are they blocking out all the good stuff? |
| Announcer | It's the ( bleep ) Van ( bleep ) Show! |
| Announcer | Starring ( bleep ) Van ( bleep )! |
| Peter Griffin | They're messing with my shows! |
| Brian Griffin | Come to think of it, there was something very different about that Honeymooners episode I watched today. |
| Ralph | One of these days, Alice, one of these days, |
| Ralph | ( dubbed voice ): I'm gonna help stimulate the economy by buying an American car. |
| Brian Griffin | This must be the FCC overreacting to the David Hyde-pierce incident. |
| Brian Griffin | They're censoring anything that might be viewed as unpleasant. |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell? |
| Peter Griffin | They let Sarah Jessica Parker's face on TV and she looks like a foot. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, mark my words, I'm gonna fight this! |
| Peter Griffin | You're on TV, Mr. Tucker. |
| Tom Tucker | Can't you do something about this? |
| Tom Tucker | Well, Peter, I'm flattered you came to me for help. We'll have more after this. |
| Tom Tucker | Good evening, we're back. Peter, to answer your question, if you want to control content, you'd have to start your own television station. |
| Peter Griffin | My own tv station? |
| Peter Griffin | I haven't had my own business since I ran that mail-order operation. |
| Wylie Coyote | Yeah, uh, I bought a giant, life-sized slingshot from you, and it just slammed me into a mountain. |
| Peter Griffin | Sorry, no returns. |
| Wylie Coyote | I've been a customer here for years. |
| Peter Griffin | I can maybe give you store credit. |
| Wylie Coyote | But I... really? |
| Wylie Coyote | Well, I guess... |
| Mrs. Coyote | what's the holdup in here? |
| Wylie Coyote | I'm taking care of it! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, what are you doing? |
| Lois Griffin | What is all this stuff? |
| Chris Griffin | Dad's starting his own tv station, but I'm not supposed to tell mom, because she's just gonna bitch him out. |
| Lois Griffin | What the hell do you expect to accomplish with this? |
| Peter Griffin | I'm saving television, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Apache chief, put the satellite on the roof. |
| Apache Chief | Sure, Peter. |
| Apache Chief | Apache chief, ee-nay-chok! |
| Apache Chief | Well, that was the high point of my day. |
| Apache Chief | Guess I'll go gamble. |
| Peter Griffin | Hi, there, I'm Peter Griffin, and you're watching PTV, where you get to watch your favorite shows as nature intended them, with all the sex, violence, swearing and farts intact. |
| Peter Griffin | Like the episode of all in the family where Archie got the Jefferson's to move. |
| Archie | Time for you to move there, uh, Jefferson. |
| Edith | Oh, Archie, I can't see out of my sheet! |
| Archie | Edith, will you stifle yourself? We're supposed to be incognitus. |
| Peter Griffin | And who could forget that classic episode of the Waltons. |
| Mary Ellen | Mary Ellen: Good night, Jim Bob. |
| Jim Bob | Jim bob: Good night, Mary Ellen. Good night, pa. |
| Pa | Pa: Good night, Jim Bob. Good night, Elizabeth. |
| Elizabeth | Elizabeth: Good night, pa, good night, ma. |
| Ma | Ma: Good night, Elizabeth. Good night, john boy. Good night, john boy. |
| ( Creaking ) |
| Ma | John boy? |
| John Boy | John boy: Damn it! Can't a guy masturbate in this house?! |
| Brian Griffin | Peter, look at these numbers! We're a hit! |
| Brian Griffin | You know, if I were you, I'd think about expanding your programming somehow. |
| Peter Griffin | Brian, that's a great idea! That's exactly what we need to take PTV to the next level! Original programming. |
| Stewie Griffin | Stewie: Cheeky bastard is filmed in front of a live studio audience. |
| Brian Griffin | Oh, my god, where's my roast pheasant? |
| Stewie Griffin | Hmm. By now, I think it's in my lower intestine. |
| Stewie Griffin | ( Single person laughing ) |
| Brian Griffin | You ate it? But I told you my boss was coming here for dinner. |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, unless he likes pork rinds, he's going home hungry. |
| Stewie Griffin | ( Person laughs ) |
| Brian Griffin | You cheeky bastard! |
| Stewie Griffin | ( Single person applauds, laughs ) |
| Quagmire | Welcome to Midnight Q. |
| Quagmire | Tonight, we're going to enjoy the smooth jazz of Charles Mingus, Norman Mailer is here to read an excerpt from his latest book, and then we also have a girl from Omaha who's hiding a banana. |
| Quagmire | We'll find out where. |
| Quagmire | Giggety-giggety... giggety-goo. Stick around. |
| Peter Griffin | So what do you think? |
| Lois Griffin | I'm not sure, Peter-- you got to be careful about what you put on your network. You know how impressionable children are. |
| Lois Griffin | I mean, remember what happened after Chris saw Jackie Mason? |
| Lois Griffin | Chris, you should have left for school already. |
| Chris Griffin | Oy, shiksa, don't start with me. |
| Chris Griffin | I didn't go, I wanted to go, I forgot to go, I should've gone. |
| Lois Griffin | Chris, just go! |
| Chris Griffin | Mom, relax-- you look so haggad, za-buzheld. You should lie down, or |
| Chris Griffin | your heart might go-- ptth! |
| Brian Griffin | ( Grunts ): More fan mail. |
| Peter Griffin | Geez, Brian, people freakin' love us. We're gonna be huge! |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I really want you to cancel that show with the animals having sex. |
| Peter Griffin | For your information, Lois, it's called dogs humping, and it is the cornerstone of our Wednesday night line-up. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, responsibility lies with the parents. There are plenty of things that are much worse for children than television, like when Peter baby-sat for the neighbor's kid. |
| Peter Griffin | All right, uh, I couldn't find your toys, so, uh, why don't you just play with this blow dryer and these rattles. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, guess that's it. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, you probably want me to get out of your hair, so, uh, here's the Drano in case there's a clog. |
| Peter Griffin | Soap's right there next to the radio and towels are on the roof. |
| Peter Griffin | So, uh, good night. |
| Lois Griffin | Look, it's one thing for a network to run inappropriate shows that I can't do anything about, but I will not have it happening in my own house! |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, there is absolutely nothing inappropriate about my programming. |
| Peter Griffin | Hi, there, and welcome to the Peter Griffin side-boob hour. A wonderful look back on all the partial nudity network television used to offer. |
| Peter Griffin | Look at that side boob. |
| Peter Griffin | Check out this side boob. |
| Peter Griffin | How about that side boob? |
| Peter Griffin | That turn you on? |
| Peter Griffin | Well, it shouldn't. 'Cause that's my side boob. |
| Peter Griffin | Good night, everybody. |
| Lois Griffin | The side-boob hour? |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, that's it. I asked you to stop this, and you didn't listen to me. |
| Lois Griffin | I'm sorry, but you left me no other choice. I called the FCC. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, yeah, I know all about the FCC. |
| Peter Griffin | They will clean up all your talking in a manner such as this. |
| Peter Griffin | They will make ya take a tinkle when you want to take a piss |
| Peter Griffin | and they'll make you call fellatio a "trouser-friendly kiss" |
| Peter Griffin | here's the plain situation, there's no negotiation |
| Peter Griffin | with the fellas at the freakin' FCC they're as stuffy as the stuffiest of special interest groups |
| Peter Griffin | make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops |
| Stewie Griffin | any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops |
| Peter Griffin | take a tip, take a lesson, you'll never win by messin' |
| Peter Griffin | with the fellas at the freakin' FCC and if you find yourself with some young sexy thing |
| ( woodwinds flourish ) |
| Peter Griffin | You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling |
| Girl | ( screams ) |
| Peter Griffin | 'cause you can't say penis so they sent this little warning they're prepared to do their worst |
| Peter Griffin | and they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be coerced |
| Peter Griffin | I can think of quite another place they should've stuck it first |
| Peter Griffin | they may just be neurotic or possibly psychotic they're the fellas at the freakin' FCC! |
| FCC Suit | ( Single person applauding ) |
| FCC Suit | Mr. Griffin, that was terrific. But I'm here to tell you that, as of today, PTV is officially shut down. |
| Peter Griffin | Shut me down, huh? Well, you'll have to catch me first. |
| Peter Griffin | ( Yelling ) |
| Peter Griffin | All right, you caught me. |
| FCC Suit | We're tired of you infecting people with your smut. This is an epidemic, and it must be contained. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, Mr. FCC, you can stop PTV, but you can never stop people from being who they are! |
| FCC Suit | Or can we? |
| ( Faucet turns off ) |
| Peter Griffin | ( yells ) |
| Peter Griffin | What are you doing? |
| FCC Suit | Censoring real life. |
| FCC Suit | His chin looks like balls. You want me to cover that, too? |
| Peter Griffin | How long you guys gonna be censoring us? |
| FCC Suit | Until you and all of Quahog start to clean up your act, like Ozzy Osbourne, when he stopped biting the heads off bats. |
| ( Audience cheering ) |
| Ozzy Osbourne | Before I start playing, I'm gonna eat this whole sandwich. |
| Ozzy Osbourne | I'll finish it later. |
| Ozzy Osbourne | Yay. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, these eggs are fried. I thought for sure you'd be making eggs benedict arnold. |
| Peter Griffin | ( Chuckles ) |
| Lois Griffin | Brian, stop writing jokes for Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | And, Peter, you brought this on yourself by putting on those filthy shows. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, Lois, you are so full of (bleep) . |
| Peter Griffin | What? I can't say (bleep) in my own (bleep) house! |
| Peter Griffin | ( Honking ) |
| Peter Griffin | (bleep) great, Lois! |
| Peter Griffin | Just (bleep) great! |
| Peter Griffin | ( Honks ) |
| Peter Griffin | You know, you're lucky you're good at (bleep) my (bleep) or I'd never put up with you. |
| Peter Griffin | You know what I'm talking about, when you (bleep) a lubed up (bleep) of toothpaste in my (bleep) while you (bleep) on a cherry (bleep) Episcopalian (bleep) extension cord (bleep) wetness (bleep) with a parking ticket. |
| Peter Griffin | That is the best. |
| Peter Griffin | What the hell is this?! |
| Peter Griffin | The FCC has forbidden audible flatulence. |
| FCC Suit | Everyone is now required to wear this device that converts all fart sounds into Steven Wright jokes. |
| Wright: I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now he's gone. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, this is bogus. |
| FCC Suit | Two shakes, that's it. |
| FCC Suit | Move along. |
| Mayor West | Oh. Why, thank you, tinkle fairy. |
| Peter Griffin | Lois, you ruined everything, you know that? |
| Lois Griffin | Peter, I know it's a little extreme, but when it comes to our children, it's better to err on the safe side. |
| Lois Griffin | Isn't that right? |
| Peter Griffin | No. |
| Peter Griffin | You know, Lois, if everybody was as close-minded as you, the world wouldn't have some of its most inspired creations. |
| Drunk Driver 1 | Man, this chocolate bar is delicious. |
| Drunk Driver 2 | Oh, yeah, I love peanut butter. |
| ( Tires screeching ) |
| Officer Reece | I'm officer Reece. What happened here? |
| Drunk Driver 1 | He got peanut butter on my chocolate. |
| Drukn Driver 2 | He got chocolate in my peanut butter. |
| ( Two gunshots ) |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, come on. |
| Lois Griffin | I know what'll make you feel better. |
| Lois Griffin | How about a little angry sex, huh? |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, all right. |
| FCC Suit | ( Honking ) |
| FCC Suit | Whoa, whoa, whoa. |
| FCC Suit | Those actions are highly inappropriate. |
| Lois Griffin | What? Wait a minute. |
| Lois Griffin | We're not allowed to have sex? |
| FCC Suit | Oh, you can have sex, just no moaning, no tongue-kissing, no thrusting, no movement whatsoever. |
| Lois Griffin | Well, this isn't very romantic. |
| Lois Griffin | I mean, how are we supposed... |
| Peter Griffin | I'm done. |
| Peter Griffin | 'Night, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | ( Snoring ) |
| Lois Griffin | ( grunting ) |
| Lois Griffin | Come on, you son of a (bleep) ah (bleep) me! |
| Lois Griffin | Brian, would you mind? |
| Brian Griffin | ( Sighs ): |
| Brian Griffin | Yeah, sure. |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, sorry. |
| Lois Griffin | I haven't had sex in two weeks. |
| Lois Griffin | I'm just a little on edge lately. |
| Brian Griffin | ( Chuckles ): |
| Brian Griffin | A little? |
| Brian Griffin | There wasn't this much tension when the slaves were freed. |
| Slave Master | Uh, okay, so, uh, you're free to go. |
| Slave Master | But we're cool, right? |
| Lois Griffin | Oh, Peter, we have to talk. |
| Lois Griffin | Look, I thought this FCC thing was a good idea at first, but it's-it's just gone way too far. |
| Peter Griffin | What, uh... what are you saying, Lois? |
| Lois Griffin | Well, I don't want to admit it, but I think you were right. |
| Peter Griffin | I don't believe it. |
| Peter Griffin | Finally, I can do this. |
| ( Horns play fanfare ) |
| Peter Griffin | I set that thing up 15 years ago. |
| Peter Griffin | Hey, where's the clown? |
| Lois Griffin | We've got to do something about this. |
| Lois Griffin | Pack your bag, Peter. |
| Lois Griffin | We're going to Washington! |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, there he is. |
| Chris Griffin | Are we there yet? |
| Lois Griffin | No, Chris, honey, we're not. |
| Chris Griffin | Are we there yet? |
| Lois Griffin | No, Chris. |
| Chris Griffin | Are we there yet? |
| Lois Griffin | Yes, Chris, yes, okay? |
| Lois Griffin | We're there. |
| Chris Griffin | Liar! |
| Brian Griffin | East of Eden? |
| Brian Griffin | So you pretty much do whatever Oprah tells you to, huh? |
| Stewie Griffin | You know, this book's been around for 50 years. |
| Stewie Griffin | It's a classic. |
| Brian Griffin | But you just got it last week, and there's a giant " Oprah " sticker on the front. |
| Stewie Griffin | Oh, oh, is that what that is? |
| Stewie Griffin | Let me just peel that right off. |
| Brian Griffin | So what are you gonna read after that one? |
| Stewie Griffin | Well, she hasn't told us... damn! |
| Senator | And the motion carries, the janitor's new nickname is... "sweepy." |
| Senators | ( Murmuring ) |
| Peter Griffin | ( loud, extended flatulence ) |
| Peter Griffin | Gentlemen, that was a fart. |
| Senator | What's going on out here? |
| Peter Griffin | I'll tell you what's going on. |
| Peter Griffin | This government's FCC is trying to take all the farts away from television, and all the sex, and all the nudity, and all the poop. |
| Peter Griffin | Well, I say it's wrong. |
| Peter Griffin | These things are part of the fabric of American life. |
| Senator | Well, we appreciate your passion, but this congress supports the FCC. |
| Senator | Indecency is un-American. |
| Peter Griffin | Oh, yeah? |
| Peter Griffin | Well, I can prove to you that that's a bunch of bull. |
| Peter Griffin | Look around you. |
| Peter Griffin | The Washington monument looks an awful lot like a penis, doesn't it? |
| Peter Griffin | The capitol building. Quite obviously a giant boob. |
| Peter Griffin | And the pentagon? Well, you look me in the eye and tell me it doesn't look like a big anus. |
| Senator | My god. How could we have been so blind? |
| Senator | He's absolutely right. |
| Senator | Come to think of it, have you ever looked closely at the Lincoln memorial? |
| Tom Tucker | Our top story: The FCC's content ban on quahog has finally been lifted. |
| Lois Griffin | Well, you did it, Peter. You beat the FCC. |
| Peter Griffin | Shh-shh, Lois, Lois. |
| Peter Griffin | Let's watch the Brady Bunch. |
| Cindy | Look what I did, everybody! |
| Cindy | Isn't it the biggest, most super special poop you've ever seen?! |
| Cindy | ( Laughs ) |
| Mike | Well, Cindy guess it's true that big things come in small packages. |
| ( The Brady Bunch theme song playing ) |
| |